When Marcus said

 I'm doing this for the leaders

He spoke to the part of me that is great inside me

I'm supposed to be a leader,

A leader in  the community. Come on Auris you can do this.

Why the hesitation? You have been down for so long.

Time to rise from the ashes.

I'm building up leaders. 

The testimony of the guy that started with a 510 credit score got me shook. 

A year later, he owns 8 houses in Cleveland, OH.

Do i want that? why not, of course I never thought of Cleveland but at the same time, its like 

we need to start now or never. Have a clear vision, Auris. Execute it. 

Can't rush the process/ but the process has been so long.

Is it not good to start and start learning, making the mistakes early. I'm already 35.

Enough time being a loser. Can I win? Do I have it in me? Will I do the work? Will I have the tenacity?

I am tenacity, it is my first middle and last name. That is what I am.

Doesn't matter these questions. To think in one year from now I can own property and deal with renovations and having tenants. True rags to riches story. Would anyone believe it? Does it matter?

What is real doesn't have to prove itself. It just is. Remember that, Auris.

Can my life change? Of course. So many people out here doing it. Will I succeed in all I put my mind to? Or will I just follow someone else's vision for my life? I am so clear on what I want.

will Alex learn multiple languages? Will he be an accountant still? Will he keep pursuing his love of numbers? Of course!

Will I fund Linda Inc? Will people wear our clothes. I see us doing photo shoots with families. Design for the whole family. I see it, whatever you can see you can conceive. Make the mistakes early. Learn from everything.

I wonder if the girl started her shoe company yet. She went to Italy to study. Her dreams took her there. I loved her style and I thought it was great she was already a successful Tv personality I think she said. I didn't know her, but she had money to buy those clothes. 

I am not missing out on any events, the little boy said. He's in homeschooling now, mom is following his lead. She noticed the opportunities. It is amazing. He tuned into the positive out of a negative environment. Seed of success that is planted in him. It's part of who he is. Young and already received and gave so much from the community. I'm inspired. 

I don't know why this entrepreneurship thing and business is just in my DNA. It's hard for me to stop thinking about it. But all this time it has been a thought. I want to be a reality. Wake up, have a company, have a service. Have people waiting on me to speak on a LIVE. and them being grateful and when I speak, I feel like I am sharing with the people. 

Marcus said Eric Thomas, hip hop preacher inspired him. Said it was his responsibility to share what he learned. Wow what an impact. He said that's why I am here tonight. He said share with others, help, if you don't it's selfish. 

I've spent this time since being homeless figuring it out. God you know the journey. Zari's couch then Stan's couch then back to mom's couch. Weird night in Elizabeth with Nasean. He spoke so much, wouldn't let me sleep. The whole time I hated, that my life had come down to this. Me and my son not being in control, having to trust in him and I didn't trust him. He was messy and he didn't know what was going on. Also didn't want me to know the plan. I think the sister was setting stuff up as we were driving. He had me at midnight go to a place to sleep. For what? Who says its an emergency we need to leave today and then pick me up at 11 o clock at night. He didn't care for my son's bedtime and I just didn't feel safe. 

I remember that feeling. Same when I came out the store and it was raining and I accepted a ride not knowing I would be in a car with weed and a bad song I don't want my son's ears to be exposed to. I am like, enough is enough. Tired of the broke scene. I need my own car, and my own house and be able to plant food and lay in the grass without it being wild or crazy or have neighbors looking after me. 

What to do to get there? Just I should just keep speaking my affirmations and trust God will bring everything into my life at the right time? God remember when I would talk to you I hated that Manuel bought me groceries, the shame of that. I'm a college graduate I have worked at banks. I know how to work and work hard and I came to this town you said this was the move. then why am I in this situation with this dude? I'm relying on his whim, whether I eat for the week or not. What kind of situations are these? I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I really didn't. 

It's all the things, combination of all the things. But you are God and I pray for the women in vulnerable situations like I have been and I know women that are way more vulnerable in other countries. It breaks my heart, really does. I want to help, even though I am not clear on the problems not quite yet. But I know Jesus works when we love on others. And when we love on others. Isn't that maybe why I joined the church? They helped me out last year a lot. a mattress, a little job for a while, it paid my light bill. 

It's just I am supposed to publicly speak and inspire women and have an audience. Future, now? when? I am plugged in to other people's creations. i want to create my own table. Build my own audience. Find the niche that I am supposed to be in. Life coach? A way to help others? Offer therapy services to middle school girls? not sure, not quite how we are going to do this. 

I am afraid of myself, of breaking down of taking on too many commitments. To be honestGod, I love this free going lifestyle but I am yearning to step into my purpose and just to be able to do more. But I do love that I can be with my son everyday. But I need the money, to ptu him in a school, and for us to have taxi money or have a car and be able to do things like normal people. yes okay you may not care about us being like normal people but it gets tiring not being able to do basic things and being thankful to pay a phone bill when know you are capable of more and I am capable of more.

I ask for more, have big dreams and I am not there today. It took Neo like  to  years.

You are saying am I done yet, you want to speak to me, I should listen. Okay I will step away.

Iwas just getting everything off my chest.