Walks in the Park

 Whatever you tune into, you turn into What every entertains you, it becomes you. You have been influenced. Imagine influenced to get your credit right, to buy real estate, to get an event space, to get a book. Some of us got the wrong influence around us.  I can't be influenced to do anything that is not in alignment with where I am going.   'Take shot before we go'. Runway: social media, text, you need to do an audit. What are they texting me about?  Limit yourself if its not growing you. Is this helping me reach my goal? Is this taking me to the next level? Or is this holding me back? Did I get fed something, or did I scroll all day and waste 2 hours of my life? Most people spend70 hours a week consuming content, before TV, radio and social media. The time you consume content, you could have created content.  Neo: transition from being consumer to producer. Time is your biggest asset.

Get all the junk out. When you get it all out, all gone. Change the way that you think, when that starts to go away. What you become filled up with, is what your natural self is.  Then what is left of you, is: Loving, accepting, not fighting the universe but living in it, and going with the flow When you try to go back, you can't do it.  1. Quality, rather than appearances. How things look and how other people view me. Anytime you find yourself in life upset about what other people think. Change from appearance to quality. What is the quality of my life versus how it appears to others? Every time you are upset because of what someone else said about them, including their peers.   What you are really saying is "What you think of me is more important than what I think of myself"" Never give anybody that power and control over you, because they will always have it. Mom and Aunt. I like approval, but I don't need it.  If you advance confidently in the direction of yo

 Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me.

Up at 2:27am why? I was tired then got a burst of energy, I really did I am looking at jobs It feels like looking for a jail to fit into In other news Is it me? am I attracting this thing? I keep seeing social media jobs, internships and remote work too. I just read one, but it turns out that it doesn't pay, doesn't make sense as it is a major corporation.  Okay turns out I am not signed in, but marketing is where it's at!  And they are all remote.  I just want to work on my own, know my stuff! But it is not bad if you have an agency with multiple people and you have fun with it. I like the office of TMZ because it's free and people can talk about what they want. The guy went from court reporting to celebrities reporting. I remember the other guy that was a millionare, but he did it the broke way. like never spend, and invests in stocks and worked hard at TMZ delivering them content but its like his life was nothing to brag about. yeah you have somewhere to live and a c

2020 is not cancelled, he said type it in the Facebook Live. You got 3 months left out of this year.  The coaching program I find really exciting is 4k today but what? 5 to 6k another day.  Cash to Credit program with Him500, Marcus B, Recession Proof is the name of his company. He shows how to do credit to cash, very interesting ideas. Use credit and get the cash out (using his strategies.) It sounds like a hack honestly. My problem has always been that I have nothing. I have my health, my son, his health, a place to live, away from toxic neg peeps. I have a lot but financially, what to stand on? Most programs are like you have a job, you have a steady income. I had none of those things. Just ideas and prayer and survival and my financial knowledge. And my dreams, always thinking they were possible. and speaking over myself the things God said he would allow to come into my life. I am a work in progress, wow what a last couple of years. But I see so many succeeding. Grant said it took

These posts from 2014-2015  and it made me cry Oh Lord how the things I wanted inside I now have a place to call my own a hot weather environment a home for my son. Amazing. Back then life was so unbearable, today it was a car ride with my mom and aunt They took every chance to correct and tell me what I am doing wrong, Even the appearance of doing something wrong. They have no idea what or who I am Everything I say, gets unheard, my aunt accused me of what? of giving my son chocolate muffin I said, no he said he wants one that doesn't mean he will get one. Aunt was telling my mom, if we weren't here Auris will give Alex sweets.  It's like no one was hearing what I was saying. What is the point in speaking? It's the only way they know to show they care. Criticize everything they see. I feel now, urgency. Too much, dependency. They want to see me gain. And classes don't pay bills. I get it, she can't do it anymore. It's been 2 years. Enough is enough, huh. I

You gotta make your gifts, your niche hot. How do you do that? Come out, talk about it. Go out and do it unapologetically. I sought classes on PowerPoint and Excel today, I am not that good at it.  If your not up on finance and money, don't worry don't get into it. Get into what you need to do. Instagram is best to put out a personal brand. Why? People already follow a hashtag, they have an interest in that topic so if you put that hashtag, then people follow that and scroll through your feed 3 more months left in this year making momentum. You don't want to go into any day without trying to create some momentum. This has been a bad year for a lot of people.  We can't let all these things to stop us from doing anything.  For something to happen, I have to make it happen.   Sitting on a bus stop and waiting on a bus that doesn't even come this way. You don't have permission to quit, to stop, to not use your gifts.  You gifts have spiritual dust on them  because t

It's okay that you are not in a place where you can be happy for others. Jane - I can't hide from it anymore. I am starting to slowly learn that it's okay. all the stuff from childhood and bullying and all the stuff I went through is coming up.  I just have to go through the moment. the bitter place, the unresolved anger. Being with my family, made it worse.

- I didn't get an invitation to my brothers wedding Denisse didn't' call me back I couldn't make it to Ivanna's wedding I didn't make it to Grandpa's passing From the time I heard of the wedding, 6 months left I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it Mom offered to pay for it, But I could not stand that.  Tio said everyone has to work, which is a fact of life but I felt like crap because I am not working right now. Mom said Karla has a car, it's her saying another person has surpassed me. Other people are getting ahead, everyone but me. Is that what she is trying to say? This girl, she threw a beautiful birthday party for her son and it made me think of how I never threw him a party, I would always be broke during his birthday. I did the museum party and then the quarantine party and spent a bunch of money on it.  I am sick of being financially vulnerable. Then I saw a pic of a girl and she had balloons and a husband, and excitement around the bir

Failure is not a person, it's an event. Most people suffer from a low self-image. You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself. When you change your beliefs, you change your life.  Everything changes at that point. Your self worth, and your self worth has to do with your beliefs. and if you didn't believe you  were worth something, you are right there with no self worth. You have been born with a purpose, god given talent, abilities, you are unique and you bring to the table of life something that no one else can. Good mental diet, the good, the pure, the powerful.  Books: Secrets of Closing a sale, See you at the top,  Testimony- 16 hours on the weekend listening to Zig Ziglar tapes. Memorizing them, then we went and we went into no money down real estate. Our first deal, no money down, we made 60k. with that, we bought a house, then start remodeling it, and then slowly starting building our life again. It doesn't matter w

 Make Sundays my meal planning day. Cook all meals on Sunday. I gave them so much time, they didn't appreciate it. So now, I'm not available.

How do you get over with someone betraying you? You realize that people are who they are. There is a sobering healing that comes with that reality.  See, you are having a difficult time with someone betraying you because you refuse to see them for who and what they are. You keep trying to turn them into who you want them to be, so you get your feelings hurt. You keep think of what they have done, and the person who you want them to be would not have done that. The person you want them to be is not who they are.  In the acceptance of you, I am no longer hurt by your actions. That's not you, that is who I wanted you to be. I put my emotions on you. I put my standards on you. You way down here and I am way up here and I try to bring you up.

When you allow people close to you, you  give them permission to begin to rearrange things into your life. That is why I am so careful of who I place myself in the care of.  We get so upset when people mishandle us, but we put ourselves in the care of the careless and they could care less about you,  then you experience how less they care. So I have learned that I only place myself into the care of the careful You gotta be so full of care, this is precious cargo. You gotta be strong and lifted. I'm so fragile, not like a flower, but like a bomb. So you gotta handle me a certain kind of way.

My mom picked me up, I didn't want to go My body was so tired I wanted to rest but I knew I could not say no Have to go to this doctor, have to do it again my mom is here not in NJ Can't say no. Alex cried, he wanted to stay home too. Everything my aunt says is true. I heard them talk crap when I left. Mom said I said Alex doesn't eat beans. I'm thinking when did I say that? Alex loves beans. And then mom said I don't feed him the way I'm supposed to, and my aunt brought up Dyfus again.  They think what they think and it doesn't matter what I say or a doctor says its just this is it. My aunt confirms everything. Why, God, do I care? Why do I want their approval? Why can't they just say a good thing, ever? And why around them I shrink. I feel like a kid, not allowed to talk or be or do. I keep thinking if I have money but I don't know if that will make a difference. When is it ever enough? What is my truth? I will be successful, being there today made

 Friday spent day with mom This morning I cancelled the 2pm call  and the call with Tia Margot was cancelled too It was good, I was super tired I called my sister She is engaged, she said yes, she had no idea She said it's an out of body experience She's pregnant and she has a ring in her finger.  She said she never thought about those things. Unlike me, I obsessed about them since 15. It was like a death sentence Happy for her but honestly I looked at me and said I am the only unmarried one now Dang, that sucks, I thought.  Why do people accomplishing something makes us diminish our own lives? I don't know I think it's natural comparison.  I talked to Suya today and Valentina's school sent her a computer. I'm like dang  Alex' school won't do that and I did homeschool so I got no options right now, gotta figure out this homeschool, again a twinge of jealousy, a twinge of what if, a twinge of you are a failure, you are not in a school system that would ha

 You not in the right environment, you are not around the right people You gotta put in some actions. You want to see things change, you gotta change.  You are and you can, you have power within you. It's time for you to unlock it.  You have the winning components within you right now. Share this out with 5 people. give back what we want to receive. Understand the power of giving, you gotta continue  You are going to see the fruits of your labor. Its temporary, whatever problems you are going through. Make a shift in your mindset, from a life of scarcity to a life of abudance. A life of abundance would change you. No one can take your power. When you understand that,  No one can go out and put out your book. What you have is tailored to you. What you have is powerful, what you have is valuable. With value and greatness it's going to come with adversity, it is going to come with pain. No matter what, you will endure it.  You just gotta be patient with yourself. Things are not go

Wake up, stand up for your dreams. You have been dreaming about them, you have been praying on them. You have to work on them. no opportunities wasted. I encourage you to tap into your habits so that you can tap into what you deserve. Daily affirmations, I attract the appropriate people into my life and repel all the people that don't. so I don't get upset with the people that fall off.  Unless they come to motivate you, contribute to the overall good, but it goes back to affirm the correct things in your life. We hold on to people due to longevity, they have always been around. but you have to do what is best for you. Is that person worth sitting on your dream? I didn't do it because this person said it was a dumb idea. Affirmation I call it my armor. I am speaking what I am and who I am. Someone says 'this is not happening for you' I already know what is happening for me. Everybody is not going to be able to see your vision. Just because they don't understand

Develop that patience. It's gonna work or it's gonna work. Now is my time, now is my season. Now is no opportunity wasted Pour into me, my mental, my soul, my spiritual You are your own power source, I am all I ever needed to have all I ever wanted. You need to understand that. I started myself, let me love on myself hard so that I can learn to love other people hard.  We gotta make sure we are good, peaceful, protected. What armor are you putting on yourself  to make sure you are protected? It's scaring you because your dream is big. You have been given something special. The toughest battles are going to the strongest soldiers. We can all win, you are destined to win! You can and you will. You gotta tell yourself.  I am successful, I am prosperity. I am attracting successful opportunities, positive conversations. You have been given an idea, a dream. You can and you will. You gotta say things over and over, you gotta tell yourself, back to back, to back. I can and I will,

I showed you the house My aunt said the same things, but calm, less demanding, more vulnerable, more soft I was able to speak I told her I cook and I drive too. I can do things.  She's assuming I can't. We went to the doctor and we couldn't be seen. Only mom. I wish I got to be seen. But it's okay. So we are supposed to go tomorrow. The academy, they want 6k. Life insurance, they need 2 months of my time. Coding, its already there. I just need to stick to it. There is another place I am supposed to look into, the free marketing course thing. Today, I get home and doubt settles in. What should I do? I have my goals in the mirror, they never change. The year has passed? No, its 2020 still.  Should I have been a lawyer or a doctor? Too late for all that stuff, I know that was never meant for me. I see myself encouraging, public speaking, adding something to people who are low like I have been before. Giving a word where there are none. That is what I see. Am I wrong? I rea

 Love Is

A house like Mary Jane with the post it notes, a glass wall. You want people to come to your house, for it to be a such a blessing from God that you would not have to say it, they would say it to you: 'Lateya God blessed you!' I see your house being a place of refuge, where people can come and pray with you  and you will be able to pour into them. But then they will leave!  You need your own space, to be with God and pray for it to be your haven, your safe space, a place you  come to recharge. A place where you can regain, maintain and keep your peace. In life overall, it is important for you to be impactful, to serve people, to walk in your purpose. You want to be in your full potential, and power. You are a servant leader. I turned it into affirmations and sent it to her email on 8/26/20.

Did you spend time? You spent time with Alex What about me? I took you out, took you to all the places bought you clothes and earrings and things with my  bank job from home  I wanted to shower you with the money I had, with love Showed you the restaurant and Trent Showed you my town, my home, let you spend time with my son Did you spend any time with me? You used me like a work horse, every night you wanted me to drive you somewhere I did everything you said, no boundaries I contended By result, I was restless. I had to wake up take Alex to school and do everything else I was supposed to. Work my eight hours, take a walk on my lunch break or at least try to breathe. But it was only half hour, so all I had time for was time to eat. I remember you stayed the week Alex wasn't in school.  Was it sweet? I don't know. All I remember was the night you wanted my bed, did I have another bed for you? Did I only have one airbed? I don't remember. but you had back problems and you wan

The way mine does for you You don't stay up wondering if I will call Or miss sleep because I got you used to staying up You are not inspired by the feelings of love or lust or what? were we? who knows. The point is, this is what? farewell, not yet. One more step, one more step. Get out, all of you, feelings, emotions, dwelling on you. I am for sure you are not over there, thinking about me missing me, wanting to love on me, reminiscing on the past Thinking of grabbing that ass, no. You came back into my life and left me in disarray.  You leave when things complicate I shouldn't be surprised. It's what you did. It's what you do. What else, can be expected of you? I am here, as always the world falling on my shoulders  and I am responsible to save myself, get out of this mess  I am caught in the web, I was getting caught in yours and it was all too familiar all the feelings came back, as if they were waiting for you to come along and  activate them like a chemical reactio

Woman's perspective, its just people. You talking to people asking decisions to protect and serve their families.  Free to test, finger. 3 hour test, take it in your house. camera make sure you don't have cheat cheat. $33 dollars  3 apps a day 5k 14 apps on Saturday, made 20k I exceeded my expectations for that day as much activity out of the way I get out of there faster. 10k for 2 days, 12 apps a day. 24 apps. 8 cancel, 12 keep their appointments. Money hit his account in 2-3 days. I just know my work ethic.  Mortgage protection plan, access to the funds up front. It sounds good. $137 a month, paid off 5 years early. closing ratio 70 to 85 percent.  2 months, take a test. pay state and fingerprints. then when that's done. some training while that's happening. dial days and Thursday. listen to making calls. top producers in ATL. 

 It was August 12th I reach out August 24th That is 12 days! Yes we didn't talk since August 6th  but come on!!! You are like an addiction Why could I not go longer?  Reaching out to you, not letting you move on It was enticing talking to you, pretending like I mattered, Like I was something to you and I have to accept that I am not, why do I keep looking for the love of the person that I lost? What if I was married? What if I had moved on in the years since? How would I have handled these emotions? Would I have had some sense? Or would I just have pushed it back, would I have just moved it forward? I am not sure I just remember me imagining moving on  but still taking care of you You held a special place in my heart for such a long time and in a conversation, boom it's over. When it was only half time. I was so weak, but it was only for a moment. I need to stop focusing on you. You only sending me messages because I did it first.  Okay, Auris breathe. Control yourself. Now, wh

What to say? Do I have to respond? Why do I care, about this stuff so much? Interpersonal relationships Intergalactic subs anciencies  Middle eastern, or just the East Why won't you, head west with me?

 All the things you do for people, and they forget about it They move on, they do not hold on I want to find a tribe, so does everyone Even Jesus had his Judas Marvin, you were there for me And I, I see it now I wonder if it got you mad Did it, at all? But my stuff, its like the same replaying record. I genuinely feel bad,  it doesn't mean that it was the wrong decision. It worked for me  and the things I have done in my life since, Its good you weren't around for that And I wasn't around for you. I remember that email, you reached out you said hey let's be friends. And I said no, I meant what I said. The purpose for our friendship to exist has faded.  There is no reason now. You didn't agree. When you reached out, I was still mad.  So mad. I couldn't  get over it. But it was all a thing I realize. I am mad, I experience this anger and the person's name comes up and  like red riding hood I am hiding from the wolf. But the wolf is in me. It turns its ugly hea

I was shocked, you came I had no time I wasn't ready didn't have a choice  but to keep doing what I was doing You see me all in my vulnerability But the house wasn't dirty It was actually perfect You did see me put up the painting and put the cover on the table I told her I have more to clean up, and I was cleaning yesterday Mom is good at using your words against you She said all they did yesterday, things she could have told me yesterday and she said 'you told me not to come' which is true I was cleaning but she was using my words to say This is all the things that we could have done, I'm like you could have said something yesterday when it mattered. It was interesting but that's the way she communicates My aunt was abrasive, they come. I'm in the shower I leave the shower, I'm soaking wet  with a towel. She says give us Alex. Like he is not a my child, my firstborn, my life, my world.  She says gives us Alex, I didn't know what she was talking

 So I am calling you I can't sleep So I am calling you I am so powerful My thoughts, they keep being of you and all the things you represented and all that things that you never could show me Ha ha! How you look at me now? Always irresponsible, always one step behind mine But I look to you like a guide, I liked when you would put your foot down Something about it I loved, and the way I would make you smile The way were were, it was magic love And that's it! That's the thing I am trying to get away from! I have been hiding myself away like a care and now I am figuring out what I want This idea, this vision. Get a new skill set, start a mission.  And I found exactly how to do it too. I am wondering, and so are you. Social media is the new wave. We all have money to make, we all have so some some say, some way. Good night, peace sign. 

What you want from me, Auris To love me But I can't I am not the one for you Why do I feel this way? How to work out all these feelings? Soul tie, let it go. Let it go, let it go.  I can heal entirely. I am going to send that text, Auris do not send that text.  Send it! It's all I can think about. Dang it why not? why yes? Just send Maybe he will be able to talk, maybe not. Maybe he's just full of bullshit. I can't talk. but then you can. I cant afford it, but then you went on vacation.  I don't trust you. You say things to make things go smoother and you forget our conversations because they were never that important to you. If you bring up this bullcrap, I'll hang up on your ass.  I am so angry at you, what should I say? Call, but for what purpose? 

 I think all these things have to do with love. Who am I receiving love from? When I'm empty where do I search it out? I thought it would be in romance, in another man All the songs said? I was sold the get married early tale It was part of all of it Something I have to come to terms with. Auris, you are a writer always were, always will be. Why is it coming back? It never left, you finally have time, a laptop.  While my son sleeps this part of me is now able to go into another room and write. The worst time? for me? Was when I was in that studio, back in Bayonne, the place I left and I never wanted to come back. And why? a pregnancy. God told me not to date. then right after the year, I go right back to my old habits. Always search out men to fill out this empty space. Right now I really want to talk to Angel. Why? What would I say? Hey, are you able to talk? Are you mad at me yet? Should I act like myself? Should I act like he's forgiven?  How do you treat someone that has mi

I don't know why It felt good, to share my journey and for you to tell me what to do I already know what to do Why did it feel so good? Is the concept of sharing your life and knowing that someone cares? And the late night talks with Jo, same, shared commodorie. As  a single mother, you are the only adult around. It's nice to have someone to talk to. But am I abusing my friends? Is this proper? I am not sure. And today, while I was cleaning it was the 5 hour conversation with Marvin I am so happy for him, I love where his life has progressed to. He had a goal to buy real estate and he mentioned he is not a renter and neither is his girlfriend I like what he said, he met a girl that is as ambitious? More ambitious? maybe more accomplished than him? Either way, it all sounds good.  Seems everyone is leveling up, I am 35. Alaka bought a house and has been married. Marvin found a love, after everything is in school for MBA. He just started a cleaning company! I loved that he was ab

It's like being in a nightmare Where you see where you can be but you are not there, you are in a different body or place you don't want to be and you can't wake up from it. Can you be happy where you are right now? No. my stomach, my acne, my weight, my emotional issues, my mental issues. I'm in a body that is messed up. Old car in a junk yard. Too many issues to count.  When skin starts to heal and weight starts to go down, then it comes right back to acne and weight.  Keeps fluctuating and never stays in one place. I ignore the issue, that is the only way I get through it.

 Psalm 91:14-16 Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him I will protect him, because he knows my name When he calls to me, I will answer him I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation Genesis 2:7 And the   Lord   God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of   life ; and man became a living soul. Psalm 104:33 I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being.  Psalm 102:1  Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you!.... 9 For I eat ashes like bread, my tears mingle with my drink Ecclesiastes  3:4  For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter... a time to weep, and a time to laugh a time to mourn, and a time to dance a time to seek, and a time to lose 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.  I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long a

1. Have 5 great conversations a day with property owners,  Then add them to your weekly email When you get to 5 to 10k people in your email list, it will organically grow from there. Do this for 3 years, before you know it you will be the top realtor in your area. It will just happen. 2. When you invest in stocks, the thing is, most of the time they go up. Over time, yes they go up and down but most of the time it goes up. So, invest in the stock market. Yes, I can go and give my money to someone to invest it for me. People say don't do brain surgery on yourself, get a professional. but the thing is, I am learning. When I started, sure you make mistakes. My main mistake was not seeing the opportunity and going in more when I should have. But every time I invest in the stock market, I am able to learn. And the more I learn, the more I earn.  3. I created a company and we do it all. We buy and hold mostly, buy things to rent it out. But we do it all, flips, buy and hold, and commerci

Customer Engagement for small companies? The need to connect with and talk to customers. The Green Leaf brand, it has no name recognition and it is being credited with being part of being another company.  The customers are asking questions on Amazon, and there is no one answering it from the company.  People want to buy from you, but there is no brand. They look you up in Instagram and Twitter, and there is no information there.  There is marketing, how to bring more customers.  Are you ready for such a transition? Social Media Agency, this is the thing that Tai Lopez wanted us to do way back then. Bring people more customers using social media. There is customer engagement. There is customer acquisition. There is Search Engine Optimization.  Can I learn all these things? Yes! Can I be of value to companies that are small and growing? Yes! Auris, you can do this if this is really what you want to do. What about life insurance? and coding? and being a realtor? What excites me the most

 You have the ability to heal entirely from any and all traumas you have suffered to completely release them from your body, mind and spirit and to go on  and to live a truly abundant and happy life It may not feel that way now, but it is possible. I am not my past, I am not New Brunswick, I want to release it all and fill myself with the possibility of the future instead of this chain tied to my past. I just want to feel good again.  Unfortunately, I have no escapes available. I just have to find a way to get internal peace of some sort. 

Life, can we skip this and get to the good part? Why do I feel that emotion of sadness so deeply? It is no one's fault at this point. I look at Facebook, I cannot lately. Instagram too. People's lives is a mirror to how mine does not look. Tired of the look, of the excuses. Hey I am not able, its the same story after all these years no? 250k I felt so excited. Would it make me feel different?  God said you could be in a different house and have a different car, would you feel the same? I probably would, or would it change? If I was able to take a car and drive, feel the wind in my hair. That would be cool. It's just that I am feeling this emotion of sadness, It is not loneliness. I have been pushing away the call with Isaura and with Latoya.  I want to feel great when I talk to them. Sound convincing when they ask and I say great. Internal bathing, mr Hill says. I am becoming aware of these feelings but what to do with them? Cry, I wish so that they could leave me, come bac