Today was great

I showed you the house

My aunt said the same things, but calm, less demanding, more vulnerable, more soft

I was able to speak I told her I cook and I drive too. I can do things. 

She's assuming I can't.

We went to the doctor and we couldn't be seen. Only mom. I wish I got to be seen.

But it's okay. So we are supposed to go tomorrow.

The academy, they want 6k. Life insurance, they need 2 months of my time.

Coding, its already there. I just need to stick to it.

There is another place I am supposed to look into, the free marketing course thing.

Today, I get home and doubt settles in. What should I do?

I have my goals in the mirror, they never change. The year has passed? No, its 2020 still. 

Should I have been a lawyer or a doctor? Too late for all that stuff, I know that was never meant for me.

I see myself encouraging, public speaking, adding something to people who are low like I have been before. Giving a word where there are none.

That is what I see. Am I wrong? I really see it. I like what the guy said, take your dreams from dating and settle down with them, have them move in, get comitted to them, put a ring on them.

I never thought of it like that. How can I accomplish anything if I am double minded, 

be definite then doubt it. Is it time, is it because I'm 35? Clock is behind me, I don't want to waste any more time.

Marvin is getting his MBA, that was an old idea of mine. Didn't want it bad enought.

But MLM oh man how people hate. I told Jonathan today I need to marry someone that shares my love of the MLM industry. It defined my life and set it on a different course, how can I, be mad at that?

for real, how can I? This life insurance thing, is it real? 10k a month. Of course its possible, but he is being real? 12 appointments over 2 days. that means 8 presentations at one hour each. Being a robot, doing a presentation one by one. Can I do this? Will I believe in the product?

Right now I am in a place where I need money. This other post said don't use your kids as excuses. Of course not. But the guy followed me so that he could sell me. It was very interesting, trying to gather clients through an Instagram message. I remember I tried doing that years ago too. But it's hard because there is no trust there and they don't qualify you. Does this person have money? Do they have somewhere they can go to.

Is working with small businesses bad? I like the idea of doing it on my time and learning the skillset to keep it going. to have super crazy faith in myself, to sell people on myself and my capabilities. That is it, really. 

We are one, we are one. ME and God, the Adventist thing throws me off. Really, I need to make a decision too because I get annoyed everytime I think about it.