Last time you came

Did you spend time?

You spent time with Alex

What about me?

I took you out, took you to all the places

bought you clothes and earrings and things with my 

bank job from home 

I wanted to shower you with the money I had, with love

Showed you the restaurant and Trent

Showed you my town, my home, let you spend time with my son

Did you spend any time with me?

You used me like a work horse,

every night you wanted me to drive you somewhere

I did everything you said, no boundaries

I contended

By result, I was restless. I had to wake up take Alex to school and do everything else I was supposed to.

Work my eight hours, take a walk on my lunch break or at least try to breathe. But it was only half hour, so all I had time for was time to eat.

I remember you stayed the week Alex wasn't in school. 

Was it sweet? I don't know. All I remember was the night you wanted my bed, did I have another bed for you?

Did I only have one airbed? I don't remember. but you had back problems and you wanted my bed. 

It was 11pm. Already too late for me. I had to get up early and tired from all the driving. 

You complained about food so then I ate then couldn't lay down at night due to my stomach unrest.

You disrupted so many things for me. My schedule, my sleep, my eating pattern. and I just kept doing it,

suffering. Why? To please you? You were never pleased.

Looking for something to complain, I did take pictures of you smiling at the store. Did you visit anyone else? No.

You stayed. You said you came for us, but wasn't it really so that you could fix your back to the doctor here?

What is your agenda this time? The way you cried when you saw Alex, like someone died.

It made no sense. I don't get you, I really don't.

You treated me horrible when I was in NJ and you complained about Alex to others on the phone when he was around you.

Even when you were here last year, at the store you yelled at me so that he could leave you alone. You wanted to shop in peace, welcome to my world. I don't even shop anymore. 

I just don't get you sometimes. You complain about us and we leave. Then what, you miss us?

Not me, just him. I get some relief you love a part of me, my son.

I am just there and you ignore me like you don't care. Every time you call you are always sad.

Like you have a story about me, like I am dying, like I am poor, like I am broke.

like OMG Auris you and Alex have to walk? I couldn't imagine. Auris, Alex shouldn't walk.

I can't talk to you because you are so full of story that you do not listen to what I say.

Your story is not my truth, you care not what I think or what my plans are and now 

I am glad I guess I don't share because what is the point?

You all have your opinion already, Tia asks me a few questions. Mom is there, like an ornament.

Tia says leave everything alone, when mom asks to help. 

I told her not to come without calling. Alex told me later he picked up, he knew it was grandma.

I guess I have to hide the phone.

Tomorrow I want to go to physical therapy and groceries. Tia said what is my plan, you guys said you were coming why would I make plans?

I don't get them, they don't set a time and just decide whenever they want to come. 

This is the week I haven't been sleeping. This is the week when I'm vulnerable.

See today, its 4:41am I am still up. I did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom, even made something for me

and Alex to eat. Got ahead on the cooking for tomorrow. All that is left is the greenery, and the chicken. and to clean the rest of the dishes. 

My mom talked about the doctor like we should go, I said yeah. Then she said she already went. It made no sense. She kept saying 'you said not to come yesterday' as if that meant anything.

But it does, this is all the things we could have done. I'm like really, then if you wanted me to come you would have said something yesterday, when it mattered.

But that is not the case. it's always a lose lose with you. I don't understand.

Why come and bring a warrior with you to tell me off? You are not doing well, Alex is too skinny.

Then next day, give him over to us for a month. and mom says, to take him to other doctors.

like WTF? He's not your child this is my decision and it's indirectly saying, you are not taking care of 

your son well, give him to us. We will fix him in a month.

I cannot look or expect nurturing or love or care from you.

Do you in your crooked mind, this is love, or care, or what?

Order someone around like they don't have a brain. Show up unannounced. You didn't speak to me, 

My son told you I was sleeping I already know how that conversation went.

Why are old people so negative? Maybe they have been through too much.

You haven't asked him any questions or me. You don't care what we think. Its just you and what you think is best, which is take everything away.