Walks in the Park

I'm on my Pursuit of Happyness run. Anyone who doesn't believe or like the place where I am I have one word for you: STOP!!!! Keep your doubt and your unbelief to yourself. Don't poison me with it. I'm following the path given to me: single at 28, no kids and pursuing a teaching career which requires money, time, and working in restaurants for these 2 months of the summer. Yeah, 2 months! In the movie Pursuit of Happyness, Will had to take a risk and take an internship which took 6 months of being unpaid. I only have 2. Tired of being judged for where I am and I know it's just the devil trying to mess with me by having the people I care about say unbelieving words. I've cut off a lot of people in my life because when you are going for your dreams, you have to cut the fat. People that don't believe in you or where you are going are the first to go. So please. Stop with your doubt and 'you should go back to the bank.' Thanks. I'll see yo

In the movie 'The Vow,' Channing Tatum's c haracter and his wife  said 'I love you' after 3 days. It makes me  wonder, can love happen that quick?  Have you heard of the story  of a happily married couple (6 years strong) who met and in a week they  were married. If you were to ask them about  that decision that goes against all societal notions on picking a  partner,  they would tell you the most vague quotes ever:  "They Just Knew" and "When you Know you Know."  Where can I drink that juice?    In the song "I'm a Believer" (you think  you don't know it until you see Shrek and the whole cast  sings it at the end) the song talks about this. We are all skeptics  until love happens to us. Salma Hayek in a recent interview said she didn't believe in marriage. She thought couples were  secretly miserable and stayed together because of the kids. It's not  until she got married and has a 'partner she can share everyt

Faith is walking through a fog.  One so thick, you can't see anything ahead, not even your own feet. S urely, that's what the psalmist must have felt when he walked  through the valley of death. He knew he was doomed. But, he had  hope, because he knew God was with him. His assurance and his  faith pulled him through that moment, walking step by step through  that valley that he was sure would lead to his death.  The same way  now, after making $43 today at the restaurant & having to find a  place by the first.  I do feel like I'm walking straight through  homelessness. One aspect of my life (where to live) that just is not  stable right now. I am so not used to this. Go follow the voice of God (move  out to North Brunswick), and then feel stranded.  God: become a  teacher. Auris: GPA doesn't fit requirement and I need money to  go back to school to get these 18 credits. Worked at the restaurant  last summer until I could get the $300 to become a substitute.

I remember watching this show, and then reading a commentary.  The commentary said, seriously never move in with guys on an  apartment ad you found on craigslist.  How insane is that?  I thought. I would never do that! Then I got lawyered (How I Met  Your Mother reference). The situation of me having to get out of  the house by the 1st has me on a scavenger hunt for an apartment  in New Brunswick. Right now what's available (and that I can  afford)  is the place I saw yesterday with 2 guys (how desperate  am I that I  answered the ad?)  Location wise, it's cool. A  walk from Easton Ave and the train station but far enough that it's  still boom-docky).  It's like suburban except it's 15 minutes away  from the city, not half an hour.  So yeah $450 rent, utilities average  $15 to $20 a month. Doable for now.  Landlord wants 1k for  security. Oh chucks!   Waitressing left me with $30 yesterday. Let's  hope better for today (What happened to the $100 a day Jeff

When I was younger, me and my cousins played this game. It was  called 'Cepillo.'   In Spanish, that means brush. However, the game  was when you  saw a beetle car  you would yell out 'Cepillo!'  It was a car game, one that we could play in boring road trips or  just  anytime we were in the highway.  It sure passed the time.  I think the reason why it was fun was because beetle cars were not  then (or now) popular cars.  They were very rare, and to find one  was exciting especially if you yelled out 'cepillo' at the top of your    lungs  fast, meaning you saw it first.   Real Estate in New Brunswick  is very similar. It is so rare to find, so when you do find a good spot,  trust me you jump up for joy.   Landlord told me yesterday I have  to  move out by the 1st. That's a week's notice. Beats the last l andlord,  she told me I couldn't move in at 9pm at night when I was  picking up the keys.  Landlords don't seem to be too business savv

Anytime I feel underappreciated I listen to this:

Our love only occurs between 7 to 9  The time you get out of work  and I'm on standby  Like a cellphone waiting for signal  I wait for you to get out of work  so that I can breathe again   and feel the caress of your skin and no!  Skype is no substitute!  I kiss the screen it's not the same  as the feeling of your lips against mine   Not to mention the tingles  and the jingle in my head  the words without the tune  without the headspace that it takes to  intersect your world and mine  two heads, one time  all must happen between 7 and 9   We must dissect the day  and breakdown the hours  What did you do?  and did you think of me while you were doing it?  Do you miss me? Like I miss you?  Or am I just a girl? worried about you?  And how do I look?  Waiting for you to notice  I can tell if you give me a compliment   The time I spent picking out this outfit  and the nails to match and my toes too  No, it's not

Some things have changed.  My sister has the car she wants   (instead of white it's gray).   My brother's wife is pregnant with a  girl (just as my brother wished for).  I have a boyfriend (yeah,  me who is always single). And I live away away from the noise.   My sister already told me of how my aunt is jealous.  I let her know that her having a  nice car is intimidating.  S ometimes when we shine our light,  it makes others realize how  much in the dark they are. Nothing to be ashamed of. My aunt  doesn't like to work and lives in the projects. She doesn't mind living off  the government. My mom is 62 and is still working, so is my aunt.  This aunt, the youngest, I can't remember the last time she had a  job.  So don't be mad that someone got a car financed for 5 years  making $300 payments. You can do that too. You have two legs  and two feet so get to work.  Someone has to pay the price, and  we all benefit. We all got in my sister's car and she drov

       Lately I've been seeing this style everywhere.  Not only shirts:                                               but also in dresses Celebrities have caught the peplum bug as well....                   What do you think of this trend?                How would you wear it?

I'm so angry that I can't even write.  Realizing the truth, it's just me, myself and God.  I will just follow Him and stop trying to make friends  and be there for people, and extend myself to people  who don't do the same. Right now, I'm going to do me. Create the success. Nothing and no one is holding me back anymore. I have lost everything. There is nothing else!!! Got thrown in the shark tank. Sink or survive, there is nothing else. Money is important. I'm finding out how important it is.  You need it to eat, need it to have a place to live.  Following passions and not making money off  it is no longer an  option.  So I need to focus, get my money up before I end up in the  streets.  Get my money up, get a car no longer walking home an  hour and a half after church service.  Get these braces fixed, and glasses because the old ones broke.  Start seeing the light  not just the blur. Yeah, it's real. A couple  more days until the end of the month,

Today was my poetry event. My boyfriend didn't show up.  I should be used to it, my mom never showed up to  my concerts  or Steppers shows. But for some reason, it still hurt.  It also didn't help that he butt-dialed me at 7:30, half an hour  after the event started. I thought it was to say: 'Hey I'm on my way.'  but it wasn't. I just heard background noise over a song that  sounded  like it was being played in a car. So I'll sit here in  my  room.  I won't call.  I won't worry. I'll watch the movie that I just  rented and I will do something nice for myself.  Watch the comedy 'Identity thief' because laughter is the best  medicine.  Missing you so much lately makes me miss my business,  and life, and wishing  I could just make money with my brand.  Someday, work everyday for it and I  will get it. Until then, I miss  you. I wish you were here. Show some support next time.  Or at least a text would have been nice. Like, 'Hey sor

Who am I? Who are you? Are you pretending, just like I am too? Then there is a pair of us, don't tell!!! Then they will know, then they will see... Just like Adam saw Eve and they hid because they saw that they were naked and were ashamed.   So why are we ashamed? To be who we are? Why do we settle? To please others at the compromise of ourselves. Why, oh why, does this tale go this way? Like Don Quijote, I've been searching for  adventures,  but no worries hasn't taken me 700  pages to get to it.  I am still walking through this  life and today I   made a choice:  I will not  compromise, just like my  roomate Faith would  say  'Never settle for  less.'  Because when you settle  oh boy, t he good  thing you were waiting for, now  you won't get it.   But when you refuse to settle  you  are walking  along this road  and then one day  someone will  join  you and walk it with  you  without you forcing  them to, just beca

              At the moment, I am inspired by                            Backless Dresses                         Long Maxi Dresses               Last, but not least, Emma Watson:                                                Her beauty is simple and unstaged                                     (and I love that she's a brainiac)

My boyfriend is awesome. Really, ever since he's in my life it's like everything is falling into place. He came to my birthday on July 7th, we hung out the next day and then it's like I knew. I want him, this is great. So the next day I cut it off with a guy that I was talking to (didn't mention anything about someone else, it just naturally feel off). So guy hits me up and wanted to chill, honestly I didn't want to chill because I wanted to chill with my boyfriend (at this time we didn't have the title). This other guy wants me to hang out with me but clearly does not want a commitment (I asked him the question about what are your intentions? I was doing that long before 'Think like a Man' came out.) Anyhow, I find myself getting yelled at in the street. I was so embarrassed. All because he didn't like something I said. I never knew who he was until I saw his reaction to me saying NO to him. I guess all was good as long as I went along with

I got a job!!!! Hurray!!! Had to share!!! Thoughts are things and we have to focus continuously on what we want!! I made up my mind yesterday that I was going to get a job today and  guess what? I did!!! I went to my old boss and today I start!!! So excited!! Reminds me of the Pussycat Dolls song 'When I Grow Up.' The  part when they say 'Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.' Ummm I should wish for a million dollars, a Husband, a house in Cali, and the courage  to write books.  Genie, are you listening?

It's summer time. Fun, fun fun!!! right??? Wrong, today I'm taking a shower and I started crying. I started thinking of Omar, and Jayden and the kids. I haven't found a job yet (for July and August). School's back on in September. I just feel like I don't like my life without the structure of having to wake up  and be somewhere at a certain time. Without a job, I find myself walking the streets. Spending money on clothes,  food, entertainment. My only duty is to find a job, I've applied in a couple of places. I end up staying up at night, not sleeping. Not a regular sleeping schedule and  the days are going by like it's a rest, a vacation, but nothing getting done. I like being up at 7am and having to be in school at 8:30am and get out at 3:30pm  and then thinking what else should I do with my day? I'm already up and going (I'm  not a morning person) and more productive that way. In good news, I visited Douglass campus today in

I need you all this time I thought you needed me but today I realized that I need you I need you kids you show me how to be you give me a space to be myself there, in the front of the room you are sitting in your seats patiently waiting for me to speak the only space in my life where the room doesnt move unless I want it to and you wait for my directions you look for me to be assertive and here it's not called being a bitch it's called being a teacher and I love it when I started I was having problems having a voice i wasn't allowed to speak in my home my voice wasn't welcome but oh! around you you didnt move until I said so and your eager minds and energetic bodies had to stop and think and listen and what's the lesson? what are we learning? All this time I thought you need me but today I realized how much I need you I need you to look up to me it makes me make better choices I need you to want me to speak it reminds me that I have