We Live in a Town That Rewards Pretending

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Compromising

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Who am I? Who are you? Are you pretending, just like I am too? Then there is a pair of us, don't tell!!! Then they will know, then they will see... Just like Adam saw Eve and they hid because they saw that they were naked and were ashamed.   So why are we ashamed? To be who we are? Why do we settle? To please others at the compromise of ourselves. Why, oh why, does this tale go this way? Like Don Quijote, I've been searching for  adventures,  but no worries hasn't taken me 700  pages to get to it.  I am still walking through this  life and today I   made a choice:  I will not  compromise, just like my  roomate Faith would  say  'Never settle for  less.'  Because when you settle  oh boy, t he good  thing you were waiting for, now  you won't get it.   But when you refuse to settle  you  are walking  along this road  and then one day  ...
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Today

 Today I reached happiness I walked out of work and walked Just walked for lunch break didnt feel pressure to eat. Ate after work, a dinner of drunk noodle Parts of my life that need to be organized: what to eat, weight to lose. I have moved to a new place that offers so many things: gym in front (cant quite afford yet) and bakeries and walk to school even though we did it only once on Monday now my son is off for a week. I'm draggin my feet into this job for bank, cannot imagine myself doing that. I also keep saying I applied for housing when I didnt. I think i find it easier to lie than to tell the truth: my dreams are way way bigger than this town. I rather not even do it. I cannot, for the life of me, can picture me living there in a place that makes me feel so horrible. Like the time i did laundry in 17th street. the place was attached to all these bad memories. I took Kenny on a drive yesterday, he was driving I was directing. All the spots I like, which basically are parks a...
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Guess who?

This time of the year is feeling lonely. I cut off my hair and joined a gym. Am tired from lack of sleep. This is the new scandal: Manuel is not the father. Say What??? So I stayed up last night and we talked about it. He took it well (just like the first time) but he keeps the door open, then one that I have closed. Waiting patiently for my husband. I'm already 29. God take your time don't want to rush like before. Just want to sleep and feel more than lonely when I walk the streets. Baby crying in my ear, I'm tired. Applying for jobs and going outside in the coldest winter ever, with a baby and a stroller and getting yelled at by my mother who wants me to keep the baby (and therefore myself) inside all the time. But all the things I want are outside my comfort zone so go figure. Life, what do you have? Love, when will you come? I've stopped idolizing you and am settling for this feeling when I'm alone walking the streets. Baby is so sweet but I just w...
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