Man Up

My boyfriend is awesome. Really, ever since he's in my life it's like everything is falling into place. He came to my birthday on July 7th, we hung out the next day and then it's like I knew. I want him, this is great. So the next day I cut it off with a guy that I was talking to (didn't mention anything about someone else, it just naturally feel off). So guy hits me up and wanted to chill, honestly I didn't want to chill because I wanted to chill with my boyfriend (at this time we didn't have the title). This other guy wants me to hang out with me but clearly does not want a commitment (I asked him the question about what are your intentions? I was doing that long before 'Think like a Man' came out.)

Anyhow, I find myself getting yelled at in the street. I was so embarrassed. All because he didn't like something I said. I never knew who he was until I saw his reaction to me saying NO to him. I guess all was good as long as I went along with what he wanted to do. WOW.

It was a big confirmation, but at the same time, big deja vu because the last relationship I was in, ex had anger problems. So much I would call the angry version of him Hulk. There was no reasoning with him when he was in that state. He would just explode and break down. The hurt was so much that I knew (in both situations) that it was beyond me. It was something from the past that still has a pull in their heart. I'm learning this whole 'read the signs' and 'look at the writing on the wall' thing.

Today I put on my glasses that I haven't worn in months since they broke. I went outside and the blur that was the trees now had shape, vibrant colors, and just so much more beautiful. I was blind now I see, says the song and today I saw it. I still don't get why I am so submissive and I sit there and let people talk to me any type of way. I still don't get why Olivia Pope (from the show Scandal a must-see show if you haven't already) takes shit from the President when she's such a boss at work. That is so me, assertive in business then just submissive in other areas (like relationships). But I was proud of Olivia when she said NO to the president when he wanted to string her along some more.  And even in the show Hip Hop Atlanta, Joseline wants a ring from Stevie J. She wants him to step up, she is tired of settling and knows she deserves more. I like seeing the strength in these women.

So today when I got yelled by my boss for no reason, I know I have to talk to him about it. In the movie 'Perks of being a Wallflower,' Emma asks why are we with people that treat us like shit?  Clever wallflower guy says 'We all go for the love that we think we deserve.' This relationship is showing me what I deserve. and maybe this yearlong relationship with Hulk is what it took to make me realize the red flags. I'm NOT going to be on the receiving end of anyone's anger. I know what that's like and I'm not that chick. Thank God for being patient with me, maybe you let me go through these things so that  I can share my story and prevent other submissive girls from being with stupid under-deserving guys. We all deserve better and let's all go for the love we truly deserve, not angry lashes, hurt words, throwing drinks on the floor at McDonalds or being yelled at in public places because you said no to their request. Man up. Be more. We deserve better!