Late night

Pack lite

but this time, you got nowhere to go

I wish, I could escape for a day

but who can give me a ride? And then they'll have to give me a ride back

I am so tired

Am I? I just want change, why do, I, always want to escape?

I love my life here but I just know I cant keep living like this.

I come out the community, like a turtle out of its shell.

Then I come right back in. 

I dont have enough these month.

Gotta pick, which bill

I bought bleach and things

that we needed.  Tomorrow laundry, I dont have money for honestly.

If they weren't coming here. I wouldnt have taken so long.

Now I have a deadline but I keep getting down about stuff.

Why every conversation, has to become bluff?

I wish I could call you, but I know you got pride

and so do I. I cant be the one to end things then crawl back with a text

No, I have pride. You have pride so you won't do the same.

If you dont ask then you dont mean to ask for forgiveness

Maybe you shut down while I told you my part.

You tried to apologize, make it better.

I have to call John, another person I got mad at.

Tell him what it is, and ask if he can give me the number to his friends but I forgot their names.

It's been so long, I wonder how they are doing. They keep passing by my mind.

I had a social season, reconnecting with my past. It all came to the same ending, the end.

Things that were never meant to be. But we are here. And you are there.

And we are still here. I need to lean in. No one is going to come and save you, Auris!

You must figure out how to get out of this all by yourself, with God on your side.

Should I go into a depression? No! That helps no one.

I have the answer right here, the classes, right here.

But all I keep doing is I got physically sick then emotionally scarred.

I am coming both now my mom is coming means deadline to get the house fixed in time.

Pushing to spend money on things I normally wouldn't. Now I realize I dont have that many dirty clothes, I just need to organize the clothes we wear better. Buy more bins, and don't donate anymore.

I do hope my clothes were able to help someone. I really do.  Sometimes we never know the result of the people that we make. I remember that guy, he wanted us to get into the signature agent game.

I sent it to Karen, she was looking. sent it to Dre, he didn't see the point.

I met some new people yfwtg and NeoDavis on IG. associating with people that are about what I'm about.

But there is something about business people, its like this aggression.  Sometimes it scares me,

makes me feel not enough. How to remove that? its something about masculine strenght.

Makes me get silenced, makes me not speak up my voice yet.