What would have happened if I said yes

 to the Indian wedding proposal guy?

Bring me flowers and proposes

I explain in America you don't propose to someone you just met

It was so weird

Andre explained that he will never be able to get with a girl that looks like me

to him, I would have been the pride in his arm.

I think the guy just wanted to work and have someone to come home to

we had good conversations and he agreed with most things I said

I wonder if he agreed or he was pretending

there is something so sweet and innocent about good Indian boys

what would have happened? nothing I would not be here where I am now

Any of those men that sought me out in my prime young days

men I never paid attention to, I knew it wasn't my destiny

I have been waiting, a long time for you

But it all starts with me, it all starts with me

So much growing and nurturing and all that stuff

and then in the end, I am alone and I think to myself all these thoughts.

lately something has been brewing

Something deep in my soul refuses to stay quiet

and I am supposed to what, lay over and die?

No, I want life and live it more abundantly.

I want to not waste any more time, I want to reach that place I always knew I could reach

Be able to be great, inspire and touch people's lives

why do I have this sense of left behind? I just thought I would be farther ahead

but I know where I am now, and I see the steps it took to get here

my independent spirit, my following God, refusing to bend

Would it all be different if I was more wordly? attached myself to just anyone?

Would life had been different? Should I have created a Match.com account all those years ago?

uh, Bu still, people have it figured out by now. Naomi said, it takes time. I am 70 years old.

I had time. Maybe that is it.

We have desires and things. I really, really can't stand Arnold. I also don't like Tia's strength sometimes.

Like it wants to take over and not be kind and listen. I don't care she keeps yelling when I ask her a question.

And she gets mad at her mom but takes it out on me, no matter what I say everything is wrong. I sit there and listen but you got all these wounds. And I can't be the person that can heal you.

Random thoughts, Random thoughts. We are all where we are because of the decisions we make.

What decisions do I need to make now? Its 2020 so much knowledge is out there, I am trying to be a different voice among the crowd.

What do I have to say? What does God have to say? What is the right course of action? 

How can we accomplish more? How can we get to the next step.

Oh dream, oh dream how you wont die oh dream.

And since you keep being in me, you won't stop until I accomplish it.