Dream

I went to church, stepped out came back and it was full! We never have that many people.

Then I sit down, see Takoya and Bryan and boom! There is a wedding at the front. I'm thiking that's why there are so many people.

Alex comes over to ask me something about my phone. 

After wedding I'm outside not many people are out. David is walking by and we look and notice each other. I say 'where are you coming from?' to start conversation. The moment I said it, I knew it was wrong. My brain was like this is it! This is David! This is the first moment you meet! 

David was not David. He had an unkempt beard and hair and suit was not as sharp as he keeps it. He looked like Lenny Kravits. His words were not encouraging and he was doubtful and I was instantly trying to bring him up. He's acting like somebody that is broken. I thought, he must be heartbroken over his ex-wife. 

We start walking and talking. He says, 'I'm gonna go to a bar.' I had to stop to fix my shoe. He doesn't stop, he goes and he opens the door and goes inside the bar. Its like he doesn't care that I am there. But I am codependent, I follow him although he acts like he could care less if I'm there or not. 

What does Auris do? I go in the bar and I follow him. He orders a drink and he's like hey I want to dance.

I tell him this is not really my scene. It's a bar, its loud, he's about to drink, I don't drink and now he wants to dance. Now immediately after he says that, girls come over and space is like a dance floor, so now girls are around dancing and then I start dancing. I felt like I had to keep up. Keep up with the scene of I'm at a bar and I have to dance because everyone else is dancing. also, it was because David said he wanted to dance. I felt like I had to dance. 

It was conforming. Me doing something I don't want to do or would ever do. and then dancing because he wanted to dance. I feel pressure. I'm putting pressure on myself to keep up. and i feel like if I don't do what he says he's not gonna like me and I'm gonna mess it up. 

the whole time since I left the church. I don't have my phone and I had my mother's phone. Or I should say, I thought I had my mother's phone. Flip phones, that are really small fit on your hand. 

This is when the whole thing turns. BTW when I was having this dream, I thought this was reality. I didn't know it was a dream until Alex woke me up. Its one of those dreams where you think its real.

I stop dancing and I remember Alex. I remember that I have  a son and I'm a mother and I cant walk away and do my own thing. Like I remember my responsibility. and this is really messed up. I left what I was doing, which was probably wait for Alex and my mom outside the church.

When I saw David outside the church I was there waiting for Alex and my mom to come out. Then I saw David I forgot everything and I followed him. He didn't necessarily need me to do all that, it was out of my own accord. This is while I'm dancing. so I look at my phone and I keep seeing the number 

201-600-3939. Every time I look at the phone, I see that number. So I think this must be the phone number of that phone that I have. How could I have forgotten? I was really mad at myself. Where is he? Who is he with? What is he doing? I feel like I dropped the ball. Reality came back.

Interestingly enough, I try to call my phone. I'm trying to figure out how to reach her. but I think I have her phone, like who do I call? So anyway, I leave and I go next door. Instead of leaving and going back to the church to figure out where Alex is.  I go next door to the bar, there is a shower. 

I basically I take my clothes and I take a shower. I'm basically cleaning myself. When I take the shower, I feel like I'm removing the last couple of moments. From outside to church to being the bar. I felt like I was getting rid of that, Like I was washing it away. 

Then I finish the shower, and I change clothes. I got sweaty when I was dancing. I also feel the need not only to clean myself but then also change clothes. and then I look at the phone and I see the same number, 201-600-3939. blurry that's when I wake up.

But I think what I was planning to do next. go to the bar tell David I'm gonna leave. and then I was probably gonna walk back to the church. 

When I woke up, I tried to go back to sleep to finish the dream, that wasn't working. so I woke up and instantly, this happens every morning. wait, a minute joseph was here, Tia talked. We went to bed late. I ended up staying up until 5am to finish listening to a Bob Proctor interview. and I took notes. housing had a note in my door, I need go to housing office. Mom was calling in the morning and I see a text from my aunt saying call your mom she's worried.  I haven't called yet.