Negative thoughts of the day

When I saw someone get married


You are the girl that people date. She is the type of girl he married. (felt like crap)


What is wrong with me? thought.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THFELk8A7Jg&t=4667s


I am seeing myself as hugely financially successful now.


You are always broke! Hell no! Auris you always fail!


I am rich.


nope.


I am living fully aware that I am worth of wealth.


No, you are not good enough for that shit. All you know is the struggle. What if you get it and you mess it up? Or worse if you get David's wealth and mess it up?


I am a money magnet. 


You are a broke magnet. Everything you touch does not turn to gold, it turns to shit. That's why you like that song, (everything is golden) it is an affirmation. 


I am financially free.


Hell no you gonna work the rest of your life and money will come really hard for you. You will break your back paying for that house you want. 


I can have, be, or do anything.

Girl you can't travel, you haven't had career success and your family doesn't even respect you.

Other people have had similar background than you so what is wrong with you? why haven't you been able to get married, get a house, get a career, get a well planned for baby? or have a baby and have the guy stick around, shit if not for you at least for the baby. You are shit. You are a piece of shit. You can't accomplish anything and every time something goes good for you you fuck it up somehow.

You work hard, you become the best then you get fired (BOA) or McDonalds you were the best at cleaning so they found a way to exploit you more. How dumb is that shit? all for $7 an hour? Where is the leverage in that? Doesn't make sense. Now everyone in the investment group is making bank. Eve invested 2k and he made back 10k. You invested $15 and shit went down to 11. WTF? Why does everything have to fail for you?

And don't let me get started on all the courses that you want to join but can't due to money. You are so used to being broke and you use your son as an excuse. Oooo I have to stay home with him. You can't bear the thought of not being around him for a time to reach your goal of what? getting rich. How the fuck is that going to happen? With your trajectory, with your time, with your story, with your setbacks. How the hell is this story going to turn around?


WITH MY INTELLIGENCE, WITH MY WILL, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WITH MY GOD, 

I CAN DO ANYTHING! 


Tia is out here settling and shit getting a low paying job and saying its a lot and willing to take verbal abuse for it. I am not willing. I am not willing to be abused my McDonalds clean their stuff so good and my own house I didn't even have enough energy to clean. Spending time alone with God and lady said you can't speak to a customer. he was like what is wrong? I'm like I have to ask if I can eat. What kind of shit is that? I ain't asking anyone if I am allowed to do what I need to do. she said you just got here. so what? I haven't had breakfast you expect to clean and do all this labor I'm about to faint if I don't eat. what I need a slip from the doctor saying as such? then I gotta wait for a manager to be available so that I can take my break. forget that shit. just take the break and come back in, all I need is 15 minutes. then its time to leave and they are playing around oh you can't leave. I can't do that. I gotta pick up my kid peace. 

same with Lesly being in same spot after all those years. I am not willing. I'll do it for a time but I know I am worth more. 


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