Hey! I said no

 and I feel powerful

Auris last year would have said yes

Always putting people's need before my own

Friendships cant be one sided where you are the only one giving, AKA Yomeiry

I lost the balance with Alaka too. Sky's friendship was like that from the beginning.

It was always, i have a need and I would rise up to meet it.

I thought I was doing God's work and being a good Christian.

Instead I just kept putting my things last on my list when someone called me with a need. and I used my resources (car, house and money) to help them. And what was the result? I was wiped out, no one helped with my need (light bill). I also didn't ask.

At the end thought, I was empty and didn't know how to be alone. I am still struggling. For real. I thought helping people is the way you have them become friends. But the truth is, you can't force friendships.

They just have to happen. Organically. We can buy them or help them so that they would give us time. Sometimes I cleaned Tia's house jus to help her with stuff. I was lonely. I wanted some people around me. She accepted the help and my son was helping too and I was like wow, my brokenness is affecting my son too. Here we are cleaning someone else's house. Are we even cleaning our own?

These are the lessons. I paid with my life. Someone else can say it, but it hits different when you live it.

For real.