Toastmasters speech 3: Who are the negative people in your life

Who are the negative people in your life?

    Take a moment, and imagine your thoughts are like plants in a garden. You must constantly take out the thorns, the things that will choke the growth of the plant. You must once in a while, get rid of the brown dead leaves. These are leaves that are falling off but still hanging on. They are dangerous due to they take energy away from the good leaves that are green. They use up some of the resources. Some of the water, they block sunlight. Basically the brown leaves take away from the good green leaves. They may not want to go, they're still holding on but they need to be removed. 

    These are the negative people in your life. They take up resources be it: energy, money, advice, and they all have one thing in common: they do not add to your life. My new affirmation is: I attract positive, successful minded people into my life that add to me. I repel all the people that don't align with my purpose.  I suggest you add this to your affirmation as well.

What are the tattle signs that you have a negative person in your life:

1. If you would say, I made a million, they would respond. Why didn't you make 3?

If you say, I'm getting married, they will say divorces are up 50%. 

Whatever you do, it's never enough. They are never impressed. If you know someone like this, write it down on your notes. 

2. Your priorities are not their priorities. They just want you to do what they want you to do. This person does not respect the God given talents you have and have no interest in helping you develop them. This person just wants a friend, a buddy, someone to talk to which might mean gossip and a listening ear to their messy life. They do not add to you, they just bring their drama to you. You keep them around because you are holding on to an idea of who they were in your life in the past. Maybe they came into your life and they were your only friend in a season. It might be that that season has passed and you are still holding on due to your loyalty to memories of the good days.

You would be able to notice a person in this category if they are constantly inviting you to do things you don't do anymore. You feel drained after hanging out with them or speaking to them. You are constantly giving to them, but you can't remember the last time they did something for you. Sorry to tell you: this is a negative person in your life.

3rd sign is when you take a tally! Take a tally of favors you have done for your friends and family throughout the years. Then take a tally some things that they have done that meant a lot to you. Take a moment, I'll wait. 

If the list has a lot of stuff you did and nothing they did, this is a sign that you are unhealthy in relationships. This says more about you than them. Are you constantly there for others and they are not there for you? This could be a sign you might have a problem asking for help, being vulnerable, or just establishing boundaries. Investigate yourself, see why you have allowed this balance to get out of whack.

If there is a friend that is equal on the sheet, good. If there is a friend where the opposite is true, you need them and reach out to them frequently, again assess yourself. Am I codependent? Do not I believe in my ability to accomplish things? Do I call this person to help me with something before taking a moment and praying about it or thinking of a solution by myself? If this is the case, try not calling them for a week. Try being your own superhero. Get comfortable with that.

By now, look at your sheet. Look at the names. Congratulations! You have identified the negative people in your life. 

Now, it is time to make decisions! Ask yourself, do you want change? Are you tired all the time? Are you drained and exhausted? You were not created to be this way! You were created to have bountiful energy and a positive happy spirit! Like a kid.

Some people in the list, you have to cut them off. Cut off the access. Imagine you are Alicia Keys and you made a brand new song that adds to the fabric of humanity. The song is about family and love and getting along. If someone had a negative comment about the song, the only way that comment would get to you is if that person goes online and makes a twitter comment. Why? They don't have access!

Some people in your life, when you do something, they call or text you the negativity. It's instant! You need to start making them uncomfortable doing so. Identify who those people are in your life and decide to stop giving them energy. If they call, stop picking up. If they text a negative comment, don't reply. Eventually they get the hint. They will say: I can't call her and complain for hours anymore. When I text him, he doesn't reply. Remember, what you focus on grows. Stop giving away your energy to negativity.

5. What to do next: Who to throw away, and who to keep

2 categories: some people you have to completely cut off. Others, you will limit access. 

Some people you need to stop picking up when they call. I know, you feel obligated. Maybe its your mother, maybe its your kid. Some people you need to leave them in the water for a little bit until they figure out how to swim. Let someone struggle. Don't rescue them too quick. If you don't do this, they will keep reaching out to you to put out their fires and will never learn to put out their own. and worse, they will be the least appreciative because they think you owe them something!

Decide who in your list you will completely cut off, not speak, not hang out, no access. 2nd Category: decide the others who you will need to establish new boundaries. Maybe some people are text only. Maybe some you physically are around them and you need to stop because you are always explaining yourself in their presence. You do not have to answer questions that start with 'why.' If they don't get you, that's on them. The things you are into are not for everyone to understand. The things you want to do is not for everyone to cosign. 

So far I have discussed questions to figure out who the negative people in your life. Then I had you put them into 2 categories: cut off completely or set new boundaries. Once you have accomplished all of this, I want to let you know there is a new level. 3rd set of people is people you need to spend more time with. These are people that are where you want to be. They think differently, they talk differently, they may even dress differently. You have to do all you can to spend more time with these people. These are the people that can add to you. Identify who these people are (only after getting rid of the negative people) and create a plan on what you can do to spend more time with them. Maybe its by buying their book, going on their Instagram LIVE, being an hour early at an event that they attend, paying for their mentorship. The point is: get closer, proximity is powerful. Associate with them, through books, tapes, and videos: make it part of your personal development. When you can, go into their events. Save up money and attend, invest in the things that they have already put out. Show yourself approved.

That's my time, I hope this speech was as enlightening for you as it was for me.