Bob Proctor & AHAs moments from GC event

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn1DaeAEBIo

 Most of you are extras in your movie.

1. AHA I was waiting for the husband to come, he would be the director. Then he would be in control and he could fix my life and make my dreams come true.

I was sold this dream. I accepted it, kept getting pushed into a relationship by my peers in Bayonne. I would get frustrated because when I would see a childhood friend the question was always, hey when are you having more kids? I remember Maike asked me. As if that is the goal. I'm like where's my first million? 

I was in a pond and my dreams were the bigger fish. No one around us has accomplished the things that I want to accomplish. It was only right that eventually I had to leave.

I got dreams and I need to conquer my own doubts and I will marry a conqueror as well. Become a conqueror, marry a conqueror as well. You attract what you are.

2. Another AHA  moment: Isaura said in May 25,2011 on Facebook: To my BF,  thanks for always been there for me, sharing the special moments in my life and being the wonderful person that you are!

So sweet! I thought so our lack of intimacy now is not because of me. I had her back. It was just who she was. Not who I am. I am fine, I am loved. I am enough. I am okay. No rejection here. People grow apart and sometimes, miles apart. 

3. Another one: Rebecca: I love you and miss you. Visit you soon. (on Facebook)

Yes I was mad that she never followed up and visited. But I can take the initiative and follow up with her. She's a mother now. I can rest this grudge and let go of who she was then. and accept her for who she is today. 

4. Appreciate who you have: Sam is a person that has been there for me when I had nothing. Marvin too. They used their cars to come and visit me. I think Marvin was all of a sudden available the way he would hang out. He never said he was interested. The day in the park was weird. Now he moved to Connecticut to be closer to his girl. He was committed, left his son with the mother which is crazy. But he is working and going to night school right? as well. When I spoke to him I realized that sometimes things take time and with patience, you have to have enough love to wait. I didn't love him. and I saw his inadequacies. It didn't fit. I also knew David was my husband, so why talk to someone anyways? it was bad from the jump. anyway, Paris, Pont Alexandre III I'm coming for you with the red dress. 

5. AHA in new Brunswick everyone did not care that I was broke. It wasn't their concern. Mona said one the devil when I mentioned working at a bank again. Money is not evil. and being broke and being in ministry when I drove around with Mona I realized that is not what I wanted for myself. But alas, again not a place where I would get to my goals and my dreams I had deep inside. Good place though, to go to church, I learned that its important to be in community. My Christianity must not happen in a vacuum I realized. But everyone was broke! Remember when we went to NY, finally I felt like myself for a little bit, fresh air but being in NY with them I felt like they ruined it for me. Phil, I don't know what he said but he was smiling but the thing he said it kind of annoyed me. And all the people took the ferry and it was a guy that ended up driving me home. Once again I felt like that person that had to explain themselves. Being broke will make you do that to yourself. 

4. My earlier reaction to a New Years at Bayonne party. Wrong thinking: People didn't support me in my brokenness. They loved me despite my situation and let me go to their parties. I was just mad because I knew that is not the standard in which I wanted to live. I didn't like the birthday parties. I didn't like the locations I didn't like doing the same parties at grandmother's every year. I longed for a Christmas done my way, with my family that I had now (me and my son) where we show up on time and have dinner and its not such a mess (us waiting until after midnight to eat). 

When I was homeless that was the first Thanksgiving that I did not spend with my family. And it was absolutely great! I met new people, went with Stan and to his/her friend's house. We all talked, everyone was open they were Puerto Rican yes? the only bad part was me and my child, outside at night in the freezing cold and I couldn't carry him anymore. I wanted to order an Uber and Stan was not for it because he was broke or valued money. I felt bad because I didn't have money for an Uber, it was up to him to make the decision. And I did not like it, the fact that me and my son had to walk and it was around 1am. The party was great, what was not great was getting home afterwards. We took buses and then had to walk a lot. It was freezing, it was dark, and I just didn't feel safe. I never liked me and Alex being outside at night. Even when I had a car, I hated driving around and it was dark. 

I realized I want to be bigger, stronger person so that I can keep promises to myself. 

I want to be committed to what I say I am going to do. I also am going to attract people that do what they say they are going to do as well. 

5. Big AHA right now. I was mad at them that they didn't care about me getting my money right. But I didn't care enough about getting my money right. I was depressed, I would sleep in. I worked and kept looking for work but didn't believe in my ability to earn outside a bank. That year my thoughts were in constant worry and trying to have faith in God and asking God for direction. I didn't know I was the star of my own movie. I thought I had to take what was available and what the outside world said was possible. 
When I moved in I saw all these places and thought of them as places that I could work at. When I moved there, I did not apply to not one place!!!!! I did not have confidence in myself! I see it now. I was defeated. Who am I? Who is God? I was disconnected. 

I am the star of my movie. 

Action Steps:

- Look at what monthly financial commitments I have made.

-cancel them. 

-Make money writing, starting tonight. Get paid for words. Because I have a way with words.

(10.26 I did this, I made 50 cents last night reviewing songs). Very low value.