McDonalds

 I asked the manager if I could eat breakfast.

I worked cleaning tables

Woke up at 6am, drove 12 miles to my son's school and back

then came home, put on uniform, drive back out to McDonalds.

Clean and clean and work tirelessly until I can't go anymore and need some food.

I ask and she says no. I am asking for something that I need and its a non negotiable.

Can I take a 10 or 15 minute break to put food in my mouth. She goes on about how long have you been here?

I clock in at 8am but she doesn't know all the things I have to do to make sure I am here.

I can't function without breakfast. I need food, and I waited until my stomach was screaming for it.

She says no, I am starved. I am also in a interment fast schedule. Where, I have my eating hours then I stop eating at 6pm. Means I haven't had anything to eat since 6pm the night before. My body is screaming feed me.

I am so mad and like myself, my face shows it. I have never been one good at hiding my emotions. A regular customer sees me and says what is going on, I have never seen you like that. Just like that, I break. I burst out into tears and say I need to eat and they won't let me. I feel so silly.

Here I am an adult, and I have to ask another adult whether or not I can eat. It's like what? Who made these rules? Because these rules are ridiculous. And yes, I needed a change in environment but it did not mean I thought I would be forced to work at McDonalds, my first job in America at 16 and in McDonalds in 25th St Bayonne, NJ. The hang out spot for all the high schoolers and the place you go to show your nice outfit, you never knew who would be there or who would stop at the red light and show off that they drove a car. 

Isaura's sister got into an accident in that corner and everyone saw it, she had to hit someone from the back right in front of the most popular corner in my small town and in its prime time, sometime after 3pm which gave everyone a chance to walk up to the McDonalds from the school. 

There is a loneliness in being a writer, the thing is, we tell ourselves our own stories. And sometimes we reach out to old people in our lives, wanting to recreate the magic and memories that we remember. But their stories have moved on, their lives have new characters in them, characters and storylines that do not involve you. And you wanting to keep in touch and ask how they are they sometimes do not even call you back or connect because they do not care. They blip, hear from you, and blip, go back to their lives with their significant others. This is the rebellion of society. When those that know you do not recognize you or hold you to old scripts.

Yomeiry, I thought I knew you. But you revealed your loyalty here IN Georgia. And I wasn't in a big city with work opportunities and other friendships to distract me. You picked a guy that I introduced you to over me, over my son. I thought you cared about us. You hardly know how to say hi or greet us if we see you. And you do not even blink. Like you do not hold glory about me. Therefore, you do not deserve me. 

I want to walk into a room and shout and dance and people clap and scream and appreciate and want to hear what I have to say. I want to be the one that people pay to listen to. I want to tell them that it's going to be allright. That it will be fine, that we are all in our own journey and this is it. 

Ms. Cooper she films her video then she's back to being alone. But in her loneliness there is growth. She reads a book I'm sure, after she turns the video camera off. I have been writing since I was 13 and I did the dishes and showers and made the breakfast for my kid and all the responsible things. And now I want to write. Writing is what I love, and I have and I lost it for a while changing diapers and getting jobs to support my kid and driving or walking to the park and the places to entertain him. But I did write in all that time, but it was all to do lists. That became my new form of expression. Reminders of all the things I had to do everyday. I hope you read this and take in my soul. If you don't see it, its there, expressed between the words. 

Idea: I have a following and that will be my tagline. that line. And that will be at the end of each thing I write. 

All I need is to... finish the house and focus on earning income online? I am going to have a schedule where I have my study hours. And Alex too, 4 hours a day on him. 6 hours plus on me.