What is confidence? Ebook

I am Auris, your self confidence coach!

Say it with me: I am inspiration, I am confidence! 

What is confidence? It simply means taking a chance on you. It means taking a step that you have never taken before. Confidence means the willingness to try something new.

We often associate confidence with a behavior: the way people walk, talk and even the way dancers move their body or celebrities perform in music videos. Some people exude so much confidence! Have you ever thought, where do they get it from? Even though we look at confidence as a way to act, true confidence comes the inside, from knowing who you are. The more you know yourself, the easier it is to connect and relate to others in a way that they will see your confidence. 

The first thing I want you to know is that you are enough.

Look in the mirror. Can you see the beauty in you?

When I was young, I thought I was a monster. When I saw myself in the mirror, my mind raced to tell me all that was wrong with me. Does this happen to you? Do you think your nose is too big or forehead too small? Do you think your hips are too wide, or elbows too pointy? Are you constantly trying to figure out the perfect eyebrow shape? Do you feel like every time you figure out a good outfit, the trends change and you have to master a new one again? Have you ever liked a boy and they liked your friend instead? Sucks, right!

Does it feel like life is a series of mistakes piled up creating a mountain that you are constantly climbing, never getting it right? Do you have this looming feeling that no matter how hard you try, you will always be lacking in some way, that you will never be okay. Hey, maybe you haven't figured out how to have glowing, clear skin or shiny hair or gotten the perfect highlights. Maybe you daydream about  looking and feeling like somebody else.... OR you constantly beat yourself up for not being like other people, people who are way better than you (in your mind) and have life figured out a little bit more (based on their social media pictures and feed). Do you relate to any of these?

Stop! Let me share with you this truth: Comparison is the death of joy. 

What this means is that its impossible to be happy for yourself if all your attention is on somebody else. Sometimes you have to just turn the phone off (or lock it) and see your reflection staring right back at you. Focus on that person instead (you, in case you missed it!). 

Speak this truth into yourself, over and over again: I can become and be whoever I desire to be.

There is this phenomenon that happens (it's not just to you, it's all of us!) . I call it the Ugly Duckling (like the kid's tale.) For those of you that are not familiar, the story goes that a duck was ugly and no one wanted him.  He hid away and ran away to a lake and when spring came, someone was nice to him and he look at his reflection in the water and realized he was a Swan! (not a duck).

Most us feel this way, we just don't look at ourselves as beautiful. We have not been treated as beautiful. Maybe you may have even be told that you are ugly. What can I do about that? You might be wondering. 

But wait! There is hope! Can you imagine looking at yourself and loving what you see? Can you imagine not having to hide behind makeup to conform to a look society wants you to portray? Can you imagine falling in love with your freckles or the weird spots on your face? Can you imagine actually liking the things about you that you find weird? It is possible! One day you will, just keep on this journey. I am walking this journey with you!

Some of you are so hard on yourselves because you are in an environment where you just don't fit.  The duck wasn't ugly, he just wasn't a duck. He was a swan. Some of us are not going to feel right until we find our tribe, people that are into what we are into. Some of us just have to develop the courage to be ourselves. This happens with age, the more you grow, the more you become yourself. 

Maybe all your friends are into drinking alcohol and you are not. Maybe everyone you know likes to watch TV, but you rather sit in a corner and read a book. Maybe everyone in your family likes Salsa,  but you secretly like Rock bands. Whatever the disconnect is, in this stage of your life right now you are looking for approval. You are not sure of who you are, so you are constantly looking outwardly for an answer that already exists within.

I want to tell you, you are enough. Look at this flower. Everyday, as you walk by nature (go into a park if you live in cities) notice the flowers. Flowers start off closed off, hiding all their beauty. That's how many of us are, we are so afraid to show our true selves because we fear that it will not be accepted. Some of us have been hurt and have not been shown love properly by the people that are supposed to love us. Some of us have been disregarded by our families, or have had our opinions pushed away by friends. You and I are those flowers! We hide, we shrink, we are afraid to be our true selves. But I want to encourage you to know that you can learn how to love yourself and accept yourself and even love those quirky things about yourself that you hide from others. Come spring, you too can be like the flowers that open up and show the world all their beautiful colors!

Some of us have gone our whole lives and no one has given us a compliment! I hear you, I am you. I have been there, sometimes am still there. I am walking this walk with you! I want you to know that everyone is in different stages in their life. Some of us are on a high, where everything is going right in our lives, and some of us as lost as a cell phone signal we are trying to find, not knowing when we are going to be found. 

 You might be looking up at someone wondering how they got there and you don't see when they were down. We get jealous because we desire what someone has and we do not understand the struggle or personal defeats, letdowns and/or things they had to give up in order to attain it. Don't ever say "I want their life." Say who do I have to become in order to (insert that which you desire)?

My main reason for writing this book is because I want to tell you the things I needed to hear when I was 11 to 13 years old. I needed an older person to come and tell me it was going to be okay. I would have loved to hear that, even though I saw myself as a monster and I could not quite figure out what to do with my curly hair, that one day I would be beautiful. And if I looked deeper, I was already beautiful. Right now. 

I want to tell you that you are beautiful. I know you are saying but you are not even looking at me! What do you know? That is right, but without looking at you face to face, I want to tell you that you are beautiful. You see as ladies, our identity and idea of beauty is so attached to how we look. Beautiful is something that you are, and your beauty and grace transcends your face, what color and texture your hair is or  and how big or small you are. You are beauty because you exist, because you have purpose, because you have value and you are adding to the fabric of humanity. You are loved, you are enough, and you are not a monster! (For those who think they are a monster like 13 year old me). You are you, and I want to tell you to be kind to yourself and show yourself compassion when you fall, when you make mistakes and when you share your love. 

Again, who am I? I am Auris, your personal confidence coach. If you want to connect with me, be sure to follow me on Instagram @ aurisa2. I love you, I love you, I love you and I see the greatness in you, even when you don't see it in yourself. If anything here resonates with you, be sure to get the second Ebook coming soon. In there, I will cover practical steps that you can start taking action right away to increase your self confidence!