You are so polished

I am not

I do not wear makeup these days 

and my skin has such a beautiful glow to it

My hair is messy and curly 

will you want me to straighten it? always be the trophy next to you?

I don't believe in such things

But I do believe in partnership

I do believe in support

supporting each other's dreams

I believe I have not become everything I am supposed to

Honestly, I don't know the how

Pero anyways

this is the pickle

we don't know the future and where it will lead

we just have learned to train ourselves to speak what we desire

and use the power God gave us to create,

so what are you creating today?

I loved the guy that followed his heart and left society at 20

explored the calling in his heart to leave the land and find a land

in nature, he wanted to learn how to survive

the journey took him to meet many people and culture

I love that he is already thinking of others 

and wanting to create a haven for others that want to get out of the rat race as I call it

What I hated about my life then, in Jersey

was how predictable everything had become

work 5 days a week, church on Sundays

Saturday was the one day I could do as I please but only

after I took care of business.

all the business of the house left for the 2 days in the weekend

laundry, food shopping, meal prepping, getting ready for the week.

It was a grind. I wasn't ready to speak. 

how to be in a relationship when I am a slave to money and finding ways to make it

the hustle of finding this job then this one, searching to get paid more like that will make me happy

the truth was, the lifestyle is not for me

I was not in control, of not one thing

I couldn't say no and one day stay in

I love the way Angel has a little more agency of his time

but he is a beast, working hard until the wee hours of the morning

he got multiple skills

another time, another person

How come people have it? Make me think there is something wrong with me

Like, life has dealt me a bad hand. I hate thinking like this

But that has been my cup to bear? if i made different choices would it change?

if i was less broken, more loved, less seeking for that. Why didn't all those church services stop me?

All this looking for God, and knowing he was there for me

how come I wasn't protected from the eventual breakdown

but like the bible says, you cant build castles on top of sand

I went to NB everything will full faith in what God was saying

and it was miserable

in the miserability, I learned to face all my weaknesses

I was hiding in the dark, not wanting to be seen.

It reminds me of the guy that said he spent 2 years in the closet.

Yet, they were scared of him buying a house.  generational curses end with me,

generational wealth begins with me.

I want to work out and build the body that I like

All i need is the app? i mean, she figured out how to look that way.

I just like it

the way the waist goes really in, like it cannot go in anymore!

and the hips come out, it is very attractive

All that work in your body, and its like for what? 

I don't know, to feel better, to be healthy. All of that.