So you are not the one

You are not even the second

or the third in place

You are my past, 

a catalyst to the life that I have now

What do you want? I keep asking you

Where do you see this going?

I already stated my case

I have to let you go

I don't like it, but I know it is true

You want one more night

I want clarity

I explained yesterday why I don't trust you

and why I am afraid of opening up

The way I feel comfortable around you and safe

and you, there is this spiritual thing about you being a protector

It makes me feel safe

But the reality is,

when I really needed you, you were never there

You abandoned me when I needed you the most

and that is the God's honest truth

It's all nice to like each other and turn each other on,

but our experience was when life hit us, you left me alone outside

in the storm

You discarded me so easily

It hurt me, how easy it was for you to get rid of me

as if I did not mean a thing

I know you are wondering, wow Auris its almost 2pm

You still thinking about this?

But its like you are in my body, in my mind, in my soul

You consume me

and I write to take you out, to go back to me

go back to my goals, I have to clean

The interesting thing is, this brought me back to writing

and I love it so much

I love sitting here in my office

and being able to write my thoughts

I always wanted to find a way to monetize this,

my gift to put words together so that my emotions make sense

but back to the title, so you are not the one

and what other place will you take?

do you even deserve, a seat at the table?

I like being alone, because there is so much to do

and being involved with someone means that 

their thoughts intertwine with mine

and that to me, is a very scary thing

Andre is overbearing, so much personality, so much to say

there is no space, for me sometimes in his world

Angel you are different, you are movable, you let me lead

but oh how I love it when you take charge and lead the ship

Ryan, he was a pest. was he pretending the whole time?

I don't get it.  then my next love, the one

Our purposes will be linked.

I receive it already in the spirit.

I know that it is all part of God's plan.