Walks in the Park

 I saw a picture yesterday. and I remember that day. I was sooo happy that day chat. and I saw more pictures and so many moments happened that day. I didn't know all of that happened in that day. all these moments that I hold, they happened that day. talking to Mark made me aware of the time that passed. if I was in Miami now, Rosie is not in church because she's sick. Aaron is not there because we don't know where he is. somethings are the same but things have changed. I cant go back and relive that day. not that I want to but I mean if I try to go and reconnect things have changed. and I felt that yesterday, the cost of time and part of me wondered what it was all for anyways. like why was I there, what came of it, what is the purpose. its hard for me to see purpose in things right now. I think you're grieving the passage of time itself. Not because you want to go backward. You've said that you don't. But because you can see, all at once, that something precio...

I am allowed to miss my bestie. I am allowed to love the good memories. I am allowed to grieve what I lost, even if our friendship was complicated and even if I don't know what became of him. There are times I miss you It sucks I cant see you, call you, hear your voice, know how you are. You made an impact to me. you mattered. you made me feel like I mattered. You were a great person. You had demons. you drank, you were looking for love. You had a questionable past.  You were chaos, in the middle of storms. You caused storms, I later learned later on.  I felt bad for loving you so, as you were not perfect. I'm not perfect either but loving you is something I wondered if should have happened. I felt guilty about it. For not seeing your brokenness earlier. For accepting you so much.  It makes me feel bad to think. 

 We can stay right here, with Aaron, and with the memory of that day. Because I think there is something you are grieving that goes beyond the loss of contact with your friend. You found someone who showed you that being vulnerable didn't have to end in shame. Someone who could sit with you in a difficult moment and help you return to the world when you were ready. And now you can't call him. You can't tell him you remember that day. You can't ask how he's doing. You can't tell him what his friendship meant to you. That is a tender thing to carry. You can be grateful for the grace he showed you and still grieve that you don't know where he is. Those feelings belong together. The layers of my grief over Aaron 1. I miss my friend. At the heart of everything, I miss Aaron. I miss my bestie. I miss our laughter, our conversations, the beach trips, the restaurants, and going to church together. We spent time together and shared our lives. We did things that I don...

 LORD JESUS, Thank you that that's not me any more Thank you that that person has been crucified. My thoughts are your thoughts. (When those thoughts come, pray like that, connect with your new identity). Amen

How can a Christian be sad? Salvation should bring us joy. Waking up in a good mood.  Colossians 2:1 -8 What is salvation to you? This, salvation, joy when we know Christ more.  In whom is hidden all the treasures, in Christ. I am with you in spirit. As you stand shoulder to shoulder and we stand in a front.  And to see the stability of your faith in Christ.  Pulling down of strongholds. depression, anxiety. verse 5, we are destroying sophisticated arguments in every exhaulted crowd thing.  It's not even your mom, your brother, your sister. It's fighting against God's truth.  Unwavering power, wisdom and  Walk in union with him. reflecting his character in the things you do and say. living life that leads others away from sin.  as we have received Christ.  COMPARISON: If we focus on what others are doing and not what we are doing, we miss it.  study them and say i'm gonna grow to that. don't condemn yourself. focus on your relationship w...

 But I wouldn't give her the “best friend who will be there when life falls apart” role simply because she held that role for ten years. And I think that's different from calling her a bad person or a bad friend. Sometimes a friendship is real, meaningful, and loving and still has limitations. The comment about your life may be one of those limitations: she may love you and want better for you, while also having a blind spot about what your life has actually required of you. You don't have to condemn her to take the blind spot seriously. And you don't have to forgive away the hurt to preserve the friendship. It may actually be a much more accurate definition of the relationship than the old “best friend who will always be there” definition. And honestly, I think your friend today may have given you language for something you've already known for a while: This woman may be a real friend to you, but she is not a dependable friend for hard seasons. Those aren'...