Walks in the Park

  4. Perhaps this season requires a different kind of strength. In survival mode, strength might have meant getting up because you had no other choice. Right now, strength might mean recognizing that you're depressed, accepting that your capacity is lower, seeking help, and learning to care for yourself without condemning yourself for what you cannot currently do. That doesn't mean giving up on your dreams or accepting a life you don't want. It means acknowledging where you are while you work toward where you want to be. And because you've also experienced significant fatigue, it's worth addressing your physical health rather than assuming depression explains everything. 3. You may be expecting your survival self to be your everyday self. This is the part I especially wanted you to understand. The version of you who navigated homelessness showed you that you could endure a tremendous amount. But that version of you was responding to circumstances that demanded so mu...

 1. You make it easy for people to connect with you. You seem comfortable engaging with people in ordinary situations. You listen, you notice what someone needs, you offer help, and you bring a little bit of yourself into the interaction. With Maria, you didn't just hear that her dog died and move on. You thought of something you could offer her, asked permission, and sang. Those are invitations to connection. People may sense that you're approachable and responsive. 2. You have a way of making an interaction personal. You could have spent that hour waiting quietly, looking at your phone. Instead, you had a real conversation with someone whose life was very different from yours. You helped her with something practical, then offered something emotional through music. Not everybody does that. And people often remember the person who made them feel seen, even in a brief encounter. 3. You may be noticing something about yourself that you didn't fully appreciate before. You...

 It will be a waste of earth if you do not get married. You are so kind and nice and giving, you would make an excellent wife.  -Nice words from Destiny (given on Monday)

Today I got to talk to Jane. It was nice.  We caught up.  I am still mad at some things. Things from the past. that come up,  Unrecognized pain. when i was around them God helped me see most things that I was mad  at happened 10 years ago. Let it, go Auris. Let it go. She talked about her house search, the how she read the book of Enuch. I told her all my troubles, summarized them. She said nothing about them,  she said well what's been going on with me is.  It was interesting and it made me wonder if that is how our conversations went before.  There was no moment for them. But i was so grateful she called back and that she listened.  I wonder how long I expect the bare minimum, like someone listening to me. I woke up thought of my mother inviting me to Texas like she invited me to my brother's wedding. broken promises and rules of inviting. its not her house like its not her wedding. she kicked me out then she has the audacity to call me while i'...

 When she was cleaning she thought of the cleaning business she never started She thought of the moms that could do the 4 hour shifts She thought of the customers that needed her help She thought of how she could pack it up and take it with her (wherever she would go) She thought of the blessing she could be She thought of her mom didn't like that she cleaned houses She got so mad when I did it last year, my client that I had that turned to 2 days. It's funny she would give me no money to help me But she was mad that someone was giving me money to give them a service. She volunteered me for my sister, for me to do her chores.  But me getting paid, that is a problem. I see it as grace, when you are strong enough you can help others. My story, it needs to be told.  YOUR WEALTH IS IN YOUR STORIES.

 That is vulnerable. And you couldn't rush your way through it. You couldn't read one inspirational quote about receiving and suddenly feel comfortable taking money from somebody. You had to encounter the actual moments, feel the resistance, and let the help reach you anyway. Which brings me back to Friday. Your friend gave you money for laundry. You accepted it. You bought ice cream for your son, and then your friend bought ice cream for you. You got to enjoy that without having to turn it into a debt, an obligation, or a reason to feel ashamed. I'm not saying all the old resistance has disappeared. But look at the difference between having to fight your way through receiving and being able to experience a friend's generosity as a lovely surprise. You weren't required to carry the whole day, provide everything, or make yourself indispensable for the day to be good. You got to be there. You got to receive. You got to enjoy. And after what you lived through in Miami,...