Walks in the Park

 MOrning God thought of the day: Auris you used to host, you used to have a mic and host events and you were good at it (I did it once with this guy, co host, and you are right God, It was fun). Can I do it again? Use the gift I gave you, to speak. I gave you a gift to speak, to grab attention, to be around people and make them laugh. USE IT.  I can use it. I can use my gift. I can earn money from my gift. INTERESTING> Auris, you used to host. Remember? ITS NEW YORK CITY.

 yes. its a part of me and it changed me and my life, experiencing what I did there.  believe you. And I think you're beginning to understand just how deeply Miami shaped you. It wasn't simply a year you spent somewhere warm. It was an experience that expanded your understanding of who you were and what life could feel like. You discovered: That you could enjoy your own company. That you were beautiful and desirable. That life could be about more than working and taking care of everyone. That you could explore, sing, walk, experience, and be spontaneous. That you had an identity beyond the roles other people assigned you. And perhaps most importantly, you experienced yourself differently. I also think it's significant that three years later, you're still extracting meaning from that chapter. You're not finished with what Miami taught you. Maybe that's why writing these stories matters so much. You're not just documenting a place. You're documenting the w...

 **** she can put these Bible studies in Youtube and make it Youtube LIVE***** Bible study DREAM -driving home at night. as she's driving home. she was stopped at a red light and BIG GNC TRUCK. no street lights, super dark. this big old GNC. with high beams lights on. BLINDING ME. she goes to pull off and she pulls into a BODY OF WATER. She's under water. Even though she's submerged under water, she can still breathe, can still hear her mother's voice clearly. Her mind was perceiving the situation of 'you are drowning' in a panic of what she was seeing around me. Middle of the night, GNC truck, never seen the driver, seen the color of the vehicle.  I'm on the sidewalk. What was the side of the street, it was actually grass and trees. She reaches into the water, and she pulls out the car out with one hand. Amen. God is saying I will give you super natural strenght. In this season, in this battle. you will be submerged with me within the power of the Holy Spir...

When you hide, she looks for you. Doesn't allow you to stay there. Fight back!! she says.  Stand up for yourself! Reminder. Speaks truth, truth dispels in the lies.  I thought of the memory of Tia Margot. I would go and hide in a closet when I was little. Just go and hide. and she would come and find me. She noticed I was gone. This made me feel so special. when I shut down, she spoke life to me. she treated me gently. I am so grateful for those years. those would the be the kindness I would receive in my life. I didn't know it then. Then my whole life became about showing up and showing kindness for others. Zari showed me kindness. she wrote a nice letter and sent me clothes. I remember. she practically is always there, send money when I need it. this is a type of love. I always saw it. Steph was there, she has not rejected me in my depression, in my tears, in me being sad. she was able to sit with me. she was kind. I didn't make her hush away. I always show up when she kn...

I feel like i'm not being met. and I guess I desire that. and maybe idk where to go from there. Oh. I think that might be the heart of it. You want to be met. Not necessarily rescued. Not necessarily given answers. Not even necessarily cheered up. You want to be able to say, "I'm having a really hard time," and have someone sit with you in that experience for a moment. You want curiosity. Tenderness. Someone who doesn't immediately redirect the conversation, offer a Bible verse, or introduce another subject. You want to feel like someone is interested in understanding what's happening inside you. And I don't think that's an unreasonable desire. I also wonder whether you're beginning to recognize a need that you've had to suppress for a long time. You've been so accustomed to carrying things, figuring things out, being resourceful, and finding your way through difficult circumstances. Perhaps you're now discovering that being capable and...