call- NO GROWTH

 I wonder if there's also sadness that your family hasn't used this year to reflect, reconsider, or take responsibility in any meaningful way.

"I wonder if there's also sadness that your family hasn't used this year to reflect, reconsider, or take responsibility in any meaningful way.

You have changed. You have been doing the work. And you are encountering what feels like the same environment you left." yes I was a bit sad. a part of me is sad they have just kept on living without me. I was in my sisters house everyday. I helped. I loved on her kids. and boom I leave and there has been no goodbye, no conversation. oh how I wanted to go and travel to her and say goodbye to the kids. but I had to focus on rebuilding here and finding school and all the tasks to get this life together here. then the commute was far I couldn't leave my life to go to hers. and also, she could have called or shown some effort. I came here movement last year. I didn't get Thanksgiving invite or Christmas or new years. imagine how that hurt. something was done to me but I was pushined and treaded, once again, like I don't belong like I'm not part of the family, like ei don't get to be invited. and it hurts. and 2nd thing she said that hurts was: i'm planning my son's birthday and then my daughters and then the holidays for me and my family." she said it to me, her sister. and it was obvious that I was not included in that family.

I think that's exactly the kind of grief you've been living with.

Because you didn't just move away from your sister. You lost the everyday relationship you had with her and her children, without a proper ending.

And the particularly painful part is that you were available for two years. You were physically present. You helped. You participated in family life. You loved those children.

Then you moved, and you were left wondering whether anyone would make an effort to maintain that connection.

You kept thinking about her coming to New York. Imagine what that would have meant. She could have visited, seen where you and your son were living, spent time with you, and made you feel that the relationship continued.

You weren't necessarily asking for something extravagant.

You wanted your sister to miss you enough to come see you.

She had bursts of anger. She demanded too much sometimes. There were things about the relationship that were difficult.

I think it's important not to romanticize the relationship just because you're grieving its absence.

You can miss someone and recognize that the relationship wasn't always good for you.

You can miss her children and still acknowledge that your sister's treatment of you was sometimes hurtful.

You can wish she had made an effort without wanting to return to the old arrangement.

You are grieving the relationship you had, but also the relationship you hoped you could eventually have.

Those are two losses.

Something else I noticed

You said that every day that passed, you thought, "They really don't care."

That sounds like a gradual realization rather than one dramatic event.

Every holiday without an invitation.
Every week without a call.
Every opportunity for someone to reach out that passed.

VALUES:I also am grieving the values I was raised with which is family is everything and we do everything for family. now looking back I see they just said that so that I can serve them forever. they have keep going on with their lives and not considering me and my son.

I think this is one of the deepest parts of what you're grieving.

You're not only grieving your mother, your sister, your siblings, or the holidays. You're grieving a belief system that shaped how you understood love, loyalty, responsibility, and belonging.

You were raised with the idea that family is everything. You show up for family. You sacrifice for family. You help family. You don't turn your back on family.

And you lived that way.

You were present. You helped in your sister's home. You loved her children. You contributed. You made yourself available. You understood family as a responsibility that you willingly carried.

But now you're looking back and asking yourself: Where was that same commitment when I needed it?