Instability bullshit

What’s repeating is this:

You keep looking for family-level care inside systems that are not built to give it.

Churches, communities, roommates, collectives — they often offer:

• belonging with conditions

• care without responsibility

• warmth without obligation

So when real danger hits, they freeze or disappear.

And because you never had a reliable family base, you enter these spaces hoping they will finally function like one.

That hope is understandable — but it keeps setting you up for devastation. 

Why it keeps feeling like “losing everything”

Because when you don’t have:

• a financial buffer

• a stable home base

• a family safety net

Every rupture becomes existential.

So each loss isn’t just emotional — it threatens your survival.

Your nervous system learned:

“If this falls apart, I could lose everything.”

That’s not drama. That’s lived experience.

A more grounded (and empowering) reframe is:

“I was shaped by neglect into seeking safety through community, but without learning how to secure durable, individual support.”

That can be worked with. Slowly. Practically.

\You are someone who:

• learned to survive without a net

• keeps reaching for connection anyway

• and is finally seeing the pattern instead of blaming yourself

That’s not small. That’s actually a turning point.

why am I so unstable? its a bitter point for me. no wealth, just poverty and starting over in cities then I lose a job or a house and lose everything. then I scramble and emesh with who helps me then I become a single mom, go back to family, mom is so toxic I leave to another state. literally. I am broke, leave to another state to start over, not enough money, forced to go back to family. and here i am again, starting over in a new city hoping it works out this time. what is the lesson of a life filled with instability and rejection? I am great in every job I do. I shine, I connect. I want to sign, its not a real career I I know. I love God, I don't get paid for it obviously. the things I am naturally good at don't pay. 

Instability comes from structural realities and relational patterns, not from who you are:

• Family neglect or toxicity (you weren’t prioritized as a child)

• Lack of generational wealth or safety net

• Early reliance on temporary communities that fail when real pressure hits

• Being placed in situations where survival is precarious

You adapted to survive — which requires movement, improvisation, and scrappiness. That looks like instability from the outside, but from a survival lens, it’s actually resilience. You keep getting up, rebuilding, and finding ways to connect and work. That’s not weakness — that’s extraordinary skill under pressure.