Guy dream

 So the lesson here doesn’t sound like “I need to become less myself.”

It sounds more like:

• I need to notice earlier whether there’s room for me too.

• I need to treat my needs as normal, not as an inconvenience.

You said something very revealing: “asking for something seems criminal.”
That feeling usually comes from somewhere older than this one relationship — often from experiences where asking led to disappointment, conflict, or withdrawal from others. So the nervous system learns: stay small, keep harmony, don’t risk rejection.

What your mind seems to be updating now is:
a relationship where you can’t take up space isn’t actually safe, even if it feels calm at first.

And the fact that you asked for something simple — a coffee date — is actually important. That was you testing whether there was space for you. The response you got gave you information, even if it hurt at the time.

One thing that might be worth sitting with, not as pressure but as curiosity:
when you imagine a future relationship where you do take up space — where you ask for time, attention, or emotional presence — what part of that feels uncomfortable or risky to you?

being seen and met. the fear that I wont be met.