Maybe, not sure

Definiteness of purpose

I keep thinking about this

I do not need to look to you for an answer

I need to find it deep within

I'm having a conflict from what I believe is the best

course of action and what I desire

I want to talk to you

I have a hard time saying no

but then it turns out when we finally speak

and the upset is discussed, it dissipates like a cloud

leaving no evidence it ever existed

 

but we can't get away from the past can we

We keep kicking a dead horse

I said yesterday aren't you tired of talking about us?

You said no, never

We are finding out new things about each other

things that were never said back then

There is all this negative feelings I feel when I think of back then

I remember walking the streets alone

praying to God, asking for a sign, a purpose, a direction to take

like God you told me to come here why am I having such a hard time?

New Brunswick is where I found my faith, but it is also the place where I almost lost it

Hence the actions I took when I turned my back on God

It wasn't just the actions of a heart broken girl

You are like everybody else, sad that I am alone still

move forward you say, I say I am

be in a relationship you say, I say in time

Let it go, you say, It's irresponsible

then you gave a very good script to explain. okay

I actually appreciate the help

This big life decision I have to make

But for now, I am healing

Learning how to make me some lemonade

And the world keeps turning

and the world keeps burning

What has to change if not me?

I am so happy now and ready for the next stage, the next level

The season of pulling up all the seeds

that were previously planted

You know how many seeds are in an apple,

but you never know how many apples are in a seed

There is a deposit in me

and maybe this is part of my battle?

As much as speaking to you has been healing and such a blessing

yesterday you confessed how much you wanted to be in my life,

how much you were looking forward to it all

But the answer was not what we thought

Move forward, you say

Not understanding my side, it's another disappointment

But back to you, back to the concept of us

What do you bring to me? What do I bring to you?

Why are we having such a hard time,

letting each other go, for the second time. Ah ha! The irony of it all