Today 8/28/20

 Friday spent day with mom


This morning I cancelled the 2pm call 


and the call with Tia Margot was cancelled too


It was good, I was super tired


I called my sister


She is engaged, she said yes, she had no idea


She said it's an out of body experience


She's pregnant and she has a ring in her finger. 


She said she never thought about those things.


Unlike me, I obsessed about them since 15.


It was like a death sentence


Happy for her but honestly I looked at me


and said I am the only unmarried one now


Dang, that sucks, I thought. 


Why do people accomplishing something makes us diminish our own lives?


I don't know I think it's natural comparison. 


I talked to Suya today and Valentina's school sent her a computer. I'm like dang 


Alex' school won't do that and I did homeschool so I got no options right now, gotta figure out this homeschool, again a twinge of jealousy, a twinge of what if, a twinge of you are a failure, you are not in a school system that would have your son a computer.


Now these are all feelings, the truth is we got a office and a laptop at home (the one sister sent).

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