What is holding you back (from your dreams)?

We all have a dream inside our hearts.

We all have something we want to do, and if you are anything like me, it is not what you are currently doing. 

Maybe you are a teacher that's always wanted to be a ballerina. Or perhaps you are a cop that daydreams  of being an opera singer. You want to go to Thailand for 3 months, lay in a beach, eat local food, get everywhere by motorcycle, and unplug from everything. But in your everyday, you wake up, go to work, come home, eat, go to sleep and repeat. Weekends are spent basically getting ready for Monday. Is this the life you dreamed of?

For most of us, it is not. But think about your life, did you chose the life you have or did someone else chose it for you? For me, when I was writing my story I realized the major life decisions in my life were already made by my parents. Where I was born(Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic), where I moved to (Bayonne, NJ), and what to do with my life (work hard, get excellent grades, get a college education and get a good job with benefits).

The year was 2010. I had accomplished all those things. And I was absolutely miserable waking up and going to work everyday. I would rush, walk 2 blocks to the bus, then take 2 trains to Newark NJ to work in a major bank calling people that were behind on their credit cards. My job was to convince poor people that had just lost their job to pay their credit cards instead of their mortgage or their car payments. It was a hard sell.

The only thing that got me through was the belief that I was helping people. People avoided our calls because we all like to avoid our problems, but if they picked up the phone with me, I was able to ask questions to determine their financial situation and then offer them a payment plan that made the debt seemed bearable by breaking it down to affordable monthly payments.

Everyday I woke up and I was not doing anything that I wanted to do. In college, aside from being a student I was always performing in some fashion on a stage. Whether it was modeling in a fashion show, or performing my poems I wrote in 'Open Mics' or getting ready to compete in some competition, I was always doing something I loved outside of being a student. It drove me, it filled me. I loved it. Now I was no longer in college, I was just working morning to night, 1 and a half hour commute and I had lost myself. Why am I doing this and not what I want to do?

The truth was, I had no idea what I was wanted, but in the train rides I constantly thought about it. I thought of my childhood dream to sing, and how I didn't want to be famous so I hid from that. I thought of the times I danced and I felt free. I thought of how much I loved God and going to church. I thought of how I liked having control of my time. Even in college, you set your schedule and you pick your classes out of the options and requirements. You have a say. But here I was, working at a bank and I didn't have a say what time I ate, what time I could go to the bathroom, even when I could have time off. I came in every other Saturday as well. What was going on with my life? And what were the dreams in my heart that I had forgotten? How can I get back to happy?

This is most of us, we are so consumed with responsibility and obligation that we do not believe that we can think our way into what we want. The first step is, figuring out what it is you want. What is your ideal life? Not the one your mom told you to live, or your pastor, or your husband. What were you put on this earth to do? What brings you joy? What do you have to offer humanity?

Of course, you might think (nothing!) or (what I have I gotten paid to do?). To live a fulfilled life, we must have a purpose and desire and be working daily in order to achieve it.  Don't go in the routine of everyday and forget about your dreams. I called them, the song in your heart. Take time today and listen to it. What is it saying? What do you truly want, in all your heart?

Whatever it is, I am here today to tell you that it is possible. The first step is believing that they are possible. Start declaring it, and pay attention! As you declare who you are, the world will start shifting around you to show you different ways to make this come to pass. All you need is courage. All you need is confidence.

You are worth being happy. You are worth being free of a life you did not design. Start being true to yourself. And the whole world will open up to you. I am Auris, and I am a writer, and now you are reading my words. My dream came true! And yours will too! Listen to the song in your heart and start declaring them today.

You have Thailand pictures in Pinterest, your desktop screen and in your wish list. But in your real want to travel, but keep showing up to work everyday not having any idea how you are going to make it to Thailand next year or for that matter, ever. I get it.  You see, most of us are either behind our dreams (taking daily activity to reach a certain goal) or ahead of them (accomplished the goal and now wonder, what's next?). Sometimes, to feel excitement again in our lives, all we need is a bigger dream to chase. So I want to ask you, what is holding you back?

The September after graduating college was the first September in since age 3 that I did not have to go to school. I had acquired a bachelor's in Communication and Sociology from Rutgers University after 5 years. I  had been a student my whole life. Who am I now? I had graduated in 2008, the year of the recession and Freddie Mac

**(look up info about this fact and relate it to self... but surely I will make my way!"**

graduated in 2008, the year of the recession and Freddie Mac failing and hiring freezes everywhere. 

I called everyone on my phone and 1 of my friends from college had the 'perfect' job she said. "It starts at 10, we get out at 6pm and everyone is Dominican (my nationality). I talked to her Sunday, interviewed on Wednesday and started working that following Monday. After 3 months, I was 'laid' off. The CEO merged the company, selling 50% stake. He came out with millions. I lost my first well paid job before it quite began. Obviously I was on the wrong side of the equation.

 Back to drawing board again, made my calls, my brother's fraternity brother got me an interview at a insurance agency, again working with Hispanic community in a bilingual call center doing customer service. I worked 6 days a week for $7 an hour and made $290 a week (I would tell myself I made $300, but we all know I was lying).  

At this point in the story you were me, how would you feel? discouraged I bet, not what you expected? All the hard work and years of studying and reading and writing papers and for what? I was sold a plan that was not currently working. I wasn't making enough to cover my student loans! I had more money at 17 (broke) than after college (32k in debt) and my market value was apparently minimum wage! I did not sign up for this plan. 

So how did things change? They didn't. I kept waking up and showing up to the job that was underpaying me. I kept doing above and beyond, and I kept believing more was out there but unsure of how to get it. and I lived in constant fear to let go of what I had. Because I thought I would be a bigger failure by not having a job, instead of getting out of the daily activity of going to that job everyday.

And this is how most of us are. We hate our current situation but we are not sure how to get out of it. We have dreams and goals and we think they are way out into the future. We keep showing up for other people and their needs, while ignoring the song inside our hearts.

Fast forward to November 2020, I am an unemployed single mother homeschooling her son during a global crisis. Perfect time to go after my dream to get my writings published! You must be thinking, wait, what? And that is what I am here to tell you: there is  no perfect time. Get over it! If you haven't figured it out y now, there will never be a perfect time!!!

You just have to start. Write that article, sit down for 4 hours and knock out a first draft of that book you've been wanting to write, or that speech, or that song, or that play. Apply for law school. Take a dance class. Whatever step you can take toward your dream, start doing it. Start taking steps to do it. Start dancing to the song in your heart. 

The reason  I was stuck after college was because I was taking what the world was giving me, instead of honing into my internal power of deciding what kind of life I wanted and having full faith it was going to come to pass. I didn't have a clear target! I was constantly thinking about the debt I didn't want, and the job I didn't want, and the commute I didn't want. 

The only reason I'm taking action now is because I'm 35 and I have wasted enough time. My time is now! Get off the couch, stop watching Netflix. Come out with something, start taking an action in a direction you want to go!

If you have no idea what you want take a pen and paper. Think, what do I want? What did I want to be when I was a kid and I believed everything was possible? Think out of that space, the place of imagination.  Start thinking of what you want, get clear on it. I don't want to hear that you want to buy a house, tell me what colors will be on the walls, what smell will meet you when you walk in, will you live by a beach, a lake, a mountain, a major highway? Get clear! Your time is now. No more time to waste.

Put your vision in your bathroom mirror and start declaring to yourself and the world who you are. So the teacher can start saying she's a ballerina, the cop can say he's an opera singer. The corporate guy can say I am a cowboy. Declare it, say it, speak it everyday. My name is Auris, and I am a writer. And today, you are reading my words.