What's holding you back (from your dreams?)

 We all have a dream inside our hearts.

We all have something we want to do, and if you are anything like me, it is not what you are currently doing. 

Maybe you are a teacher that's always wanted to be a ballerina. Or perhaps you are a cop that daydreams  of being an opera singer. You want to go to Thailand for 3 months, lay in a beach, eat local food, get everywhere by motorcycle, and unplug from everything. But in your everyday, you wake up, go to work, come home, eat, go to sleep and repeat. Weekends are spent basically getting ready for Monday. Is this the life you dreamed of?

For most of us, it is not. But think about your life, did you chose the life you have or did someone else chose it for you? For me, when I was writing my story I realized the major life decisions in my life were already made by my parents. Where I was born(Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic), where I moved to (Bayonne, NJ), and what to do with my life (work hard, get excellent grades, get a college education and get a good job with benefits).

The year was 2010. I had accomplished all those things. And I was absolutely miserable waking up and going to work everyday. I would rush, walk 2 blocks to the bus, then take 2 trains to Newark NJ to work in a major bank calling people that were behind on their credit cards. My job was to convince poor people that had just lost their job to pay their credit cards instead of their mortgage or their car payments. It was a hard sell.

The only thing that got me through was the belief that I was helping people. People avoided our calls because we all like to avoid our problems, but if they picked up the phone with me, I was able to ask questions to determine their financial situation and then offer them a payment plan that made the debt seemed bearable by breaking it down to affordable monthly payments.

Everyday I woke up and I was not doing anything that I wanted to do. In college, aside from being a student I was always performing in some fashion on a stage. Whether it was modeling in a fashion show, or performing my poems I wrote in 'Open Mics' or getting ready to compete in some competition, I was always doing something I loved outside of being a student. It drove me, it filled me. I loved it. Now I was no longer in college, I was just working morning to night, 1 and a half hour commute and I had lost myself. Why am I doing this and not what I want to do?

The truth was, I had no idea what I was wanted, but in the train rides I constantly thought about it. I thought of my childhood dream to sing, and how I didn't want to be famous so I hid from that. I thought of the times I danced and I felt free. I thought of how much I loved God and going to church. I thought of how I liked having control of my time. Even in college, you set your schedule and you pick your classes out of the options and requirements. You have a say. But here I was, working at a bank and I didn't have a say what time I ate, what time I could go to the bathroom, even when I could have time off. I came in every other Saturday as well. What was going on with my life? And what were the dreams in my heart that I had forgotten? How can I get back to happy?

This is most of us, we are so consumed with responsibility and obligation that we do not believe that we can think our way into what we want. The first step is, figuring out what it is you want. What is your ideal life? Not the one your mom told you to live, or your pastor, or your husband. What were you put on this earth to do? What brings you joy? What do you have to offer humanity?

Of course, you might think (nothing!) or (what I have I gotten paid to do?). To live a fulfilled life, we must have a purpose and desire and be working daily in order to achieve it.  Don't go in the routine of everyday and forget about your dreams. I called them, the song in your heart. Take time today and listen to it. What is it saying? What do you truly want, in all your heart?

Whatever it is, I am here today to tell you that it is possible. The first step is believing that they are possible. Start declaring it, and pay attention! As you declare who you are, the world will start shifting around you to show you different ways to make this come to pass. All you need is courage. All you need is confidence.

You are worth being happy. You are worth being free of a life you did not design. Start being true to yourself. And the whole world will open up to you. I am Auris, and I am a writer, and now you are reading my words. My dream came true! And yours will too! Listen to the song in your heart and start declaring them today.