2nd set of notes 1.28.21 Lee Smith

Victor and mommy are yelling and pounding on the door, Mommy says “Valencia, I can’t believe you are so stupid to get kicked out of school.” My brother says to my mother, “Mommy, come on give her a break, there has to be an explanation.” “EXPLANATION! There is no explanation that will make this ok, Valencia open the door, NOW!! 

Even my dog Bandido joined in with the yelling and was barked at the door “Ugh, everybody is hates me, even the dog”. 

It was true I got kicked out of school. It happened a week ago. I got up everyday and got ready for school, pretending that nothing had happened and a suspension had not ended my normal routine of things. (suggestion)

 I’m such a liar. <--- great moment, again putting us in the mind of the character.

------> I had updated my mother’s contact info to my phone# and email address and was hoping to intercept the snail mail, but mommy got off of work early today.

This part is very unclear. what is snail mail? and she updated her mother's contact info to his or her phone. I  think what you meant to say is that the girl is talking about the school. how is this relevant? you have to answer this question so that we can follow you. she updated her mother's contact info at school let's say. why is she thinking about this? did the school contact the mom? another thing, we need to know how the mom knows that the girl 'got kicked out of school'.

What does her mother getting off school have to do. again, dont assume we konw. we know nothing. she updated her mothers contant. her mom got off work early. she got 'kicked' out of school. make it slower. expan on each thing so that we can follow the story.

do research on this. is it a suspension ( you leave for 1 week or 2 when my brother went to school in the 90s). what kind of things does a student have to do in order to get 'kicked' out of school. research this and make sure you plan the story out so that it makes sense from the beginning. Research is the background of writing. 

Mom: “Dios Mio Valencia if you don’t open this door right now, I’m going to kick it down.”

My mother was furious and meant every word. All of a sudden I started hearing multiple voices in my head close enough as if they were being whispering right into my ears. 

Final notes: you are doing very good at describing the internal dialogue of the character.

What needs help is the logistics of it: how to describe a room. how to describe a sequence of events. don't be overwhelmed, just take the notes as a guide and try to answer the questions that i asked that the reader is wondering. its all about expanding.

also, at some time we need to know how old the character is.

This reads to me like a middle school book. I read a lot of them when I was in high school. 

another note, you need to learn the format on how to write dialogue for a speech. again, technicalities we will work on it later. right now, focus on these notes.