Inner Child

Jason, when he feels guilt and shame rise up, he sits down and writes himself a letter.

He tells himself all the good, comforting, and nurturing things he and the child inside him need to hear to feel better.

I learn more and more everyday about taking care of the child within. I neglected and belittled her for years and years. I tried to ignore her, I hoped she would go away. What happened was that she screamed louder and louder until I began to listen.

I spent years looking to other people, looking to relationships, to take care of the child within me. I looked to relationships to comfort my fear and to nurture, support, and protect that child within. I looked for relationships to comfort my fear and to nurture, support, and protect that child within. 

I looked for relationships to be there for me because I wasn't willing to be there for myself. I didn't know how. 

Now, slowly I am learning a better way. I'm learning how to listen to that child I abandoned most of my life. I'm learning ways to get in touch with her, hear her, and give her the comfort, nurturing, protection, guidance, and discipline she needs. 

Sometimes, she needs to run, play, sing. Sometimes she needs to cry, or dream, or wish. Sometimes she needs to say how sad or afraid she is, and simply be acknowledged and validated.

This behavior of nurturing the child within is not foolish, as I once believed. It is healing. A few moments a day to caring for that child frees my adult to be rejuvenated and responsible, and lets my child feel warm, safe, and cared for.