Today Sunday 9/6/20

I couldn't get it together today

Was depressed? depleted? just no energy

Then went on the webinar at 8pm. I was there for 2 hours.

And finally, I started feeling better. Then Sam called, I listened and helped.

Mostly asked questions to see where he is, and I am happy he thought of me

and the things I kept saying before about goals and stuff struck with him

That he thought of me when he was lost. Maybe he is ready for the lesson now. 

Anyhow, after the webinar I finally felt better.

Felt such a urge to reach out to Jane.

This video in Youtube the girl talked about her testimony. 

About how she was afraid to let it be known that she needed people

all she cared was about her goals and traveling the world and the things she wanted to do

but after she got saved, she was not as scared to be vulnerable and she learned that it is okay 

to be in community. Okay to need others.

and I thought of how much I felt like I needed to talk to Jane. But I had no agenda. I just wanted to talk to her.

But I keep being concerned, like am I needing her too much? She said God told her we would separate. 

The last phone fast was so tough on me. I thought I would break, for real. It's too much pressure? To have a person be your best friend. and then when they leave what do you have then?

Always me and God, God and me. Why am I not happy? When it's just us. I get so tired, God, of my thoughts. Read the things Auris' good traits by friends. So I have different thoughts. So I figure it out yes.

Random:

To be a man you need money. isn't that what society says? then we chase money because women aint with the men that ain't shit.