Schedule Emotion Journal

10/11 really tired. Sunday woke up at 10 to make it to church community service thing. 

10/10 stayed up all night, insomnia and wrote a lot. was upset at the Marvin thing. 

Today I woke up and went4 and its now 627pm. I stayed up as much as I can but I am still tired. Been tired and not my optimal self ever since I woke up. want to change this. Tomorrow doc appointment in the morning. 

I wonder if I want to watch the show to avoid to think? Or should I read a book and think some more tomorrow? i think a lot, I really do. but I am tired. Want to be free. 

10/2 Just noticed, haven't had low days like that lately. Could it be the diet?

Flyers for clothes. Sister , open to sister Chang's daughter. She works in Brunswick lives in Waycross. Hang out flyers for clothing drive, then go to her house and then there's a program. woman's small group. 

I wonder if we could do Facebook marketing. Text marketing? Just marketing. Tech stuff. Ya heard me.

Pansacun, prayer, communication. prayer, 

Prayer closet. Gotcha. I used  Powerpoint. Laptop, if you 

10/01 Haven't written this week. I came on here to take a tally of what I've been doing. I have no idea. Results are, Tuesday I made up my mind to get it done (closets) and don't let anything stop me. I cleaned all the floors (didn't listen to my mind telling me to stop and rest). I finished floors around 7:23pm. Then it was on to closets and I just kept cleaning. Around 2am I did stop and went to bed. Wednesday woke up and stuff and the day was about Walmart. Went and did  a virtual doc visit. Came back, put everything back and did dessert with Tia and Tiana. They are doing homeschooling. 

now its 10/1 655am. Woke up early with the back pain a bit, I stretched. Looking at he room its not done. and its like September came and went and closets are still not done! That's what I think. and I'm home all day and it seems silly doesn't it. But I have lacked focus. Write a lot and listen to personal development. But I need a way to finish. Today is going to doctor day then coming back. I have a conference thing at 11am. Can cook now if I want or sleep. went to bed around 11pm. 

Haven't called Rita. And she has called twice. Call her back.

Friday, look out Terrill is sending mike for me to record.

9/25 2:55pm. woke up 145pm. I feel a bit out of it. I don't remember that last night, the thing about loneliness pang. Interesting. I read my affirmations, feel no desire to clean this house like my to do list says. I'm obsessing over money again. it's okay, its on its way Auris. I want to watch a movie, disconnect from my life and its stresses for a bit. Gotta call Akhimie.

9/25 last night a memory came and its like something wanted me to be sad. Then tonight, I feel a loneliness pang. I want to have a love pang instead, like the guy said. How is that possible? his meditation was hocky pooky for me, honestly. 

Productive day, doctor in Waycross, hard to wake up this morning. went to bed after 4am. woke up 11 something, and out the door by 12 noon. ate breakfast in the car. came back from doctor, ordered papa johns (we need a different taste). IDK what to do about food. I'm tired and bored of everything. For real. I want to cook? learn new cuisines? something challenging. This week I've been eating for comfort and my belly is getting too big for my comfort. I want it to cave in like the workout girls. I've been working on the house and figuring out how to have money, the working out went away after my injury. Oh well.

9/19 Went to bed after 6am. Had insomnia. I wanted to sleep, had cooked rice and beans and it was coming up.  so didn't make it to church. Had Zari on my mind, called her and stepped out to lay on grass. Invited Tia and Tiana, and we made a day of it! It was so relaxing we laid there and played music and it was relaxing like that Saturday that I was walking around and stuff. 

Positive, peaceful. Only stress was after Sabbath was over, I started worrying about the investor thing. People making money, they have more money to invest. I need to be grateful. Focus on being grateful. I got major case of Missing Out Opportunity. 

NOW- no opportunity wasted, Pat Patrick. 

So my bad day was 9/16 due to a dream and mom kept calling and I was angry at her. and Andre sent package and I didn't know what to think. Now its Sabbath time to rest. Why didn't I do closets this week? realizing I'm not focused on it. I listen to stuff, take notes and did laundry, cooking, Walmart shopping, putting away the things.

Next week I got 2 doctor appointments. and after Sabbath I have meal prep, closets, and that's it. Set to study. 

9/18 stayed up until 5am last night reviewing the investment group information. then called Alaka and we talked about it and he said about reset, but I don't get it. I watched the video. have to watch again, I didn't understand.

9/17 laundry. good day. waited for ride but he didn't show up. didn't want to talk to mom. Tia said Taxi is here, it was 430pm let's just go. We left laundry at 7pm, taxi took long to get here.

9/16 Woke up at 1pm. Sad, depressed day. Felt better around 8:30pm after listening to Lindsey Stirling.

I think this is the day Joseph showed up? He showed up and me and him and Tia stayed up talking until 2:20am he left. I put away groceries so that was day that we went to Walmart.

Days I felt most happy of all these days: last Saturday where Me and Alex walked and went to Cafe Euro and I saw the car and thought of my new job I'll have and how I can make commissions and get myself that car. then walked to the park. and drank the coffee and did an Instagram story. and my cousin liked it. then called Jenny and talked about why she left NJ and our crazy parents. 

It was relaxed day, self pace and I took the rules of the sabbath out of my mind. 

Days I felt horrible: from waking up I just felt horrible. Is there a supplement I can take? I was jacked up. Usually days I would wake up early? idk. I would wake up early right or late and just feel like shit from waking up. like no energy to do anything. no energy to be anyone. 

9/15 bad day. woke up at 2pm and wasn't able to do the things I set out to do today. go to Walmart or do laundry. had a bible study appointment at 6pm and they didn't show up. another disappointment because I scheduled my day around that. stuck around took a bath, washed my hair, took hair of self. then went out to buy food, got encouraged by homeless man and he was so positive. he was telling me all the places he wants to travel to and how he has his son and he stays with him on the weekends and they go to his mother's house. so he sounds like he does have somewhere he can go, at least hang out with his son. but he said its not my season and sometimes we chase things and its not time yet.

Turns out we had bible study later. Stayed up because meatball sandwich was in my belly gave me a little bit of unrest. Did bible study on tongues and how they could be harmful.

But when will it be time? I used to think about that all the time. but boy, I had my son and I was so happy when I was homeless and living in NY and the weekends me and Alex got to go outside and be free and walk around and cut his hair. I remember showing Suyapa the pictures. I always put her in the list of people who care. I remember when I got the pajamas from Target and how great it was, to wear that in the really cold months. It felt like I was wearing a blanket. and we would just chill and I would lay with Alex and him with me and we were happy. He would wait for me to eat? something like that. he had diapers and he was so cute. 

9/14 Stayed up until 5am watching Unorthodox, I had bible study next day and i was like someone like me! in a repressed society!

9/13 Slept good normal time, woke up around 11am. fine day

9/12 Went to bed around midnight and woke up like 10 and got ready for church. fine day

9/11 Stayed up again. what did I do this one? idk happy fine day

9/10  Wake up at 1pm. feel okay, woke up still feeling tired though. drank water. let's see. but I slept bet 7 to 8 hours. but def tired and face is down. went to sleep at 5am, stayed up reviewing codependent book notes and listening and taking notes on black love.

9/9/20 I stayed up all night. reviewing the codependent book. It really applies to me. And the thing is, I was looking for the RIP recipe book. For real! it really helped and I stayed up and wrote about that, the the Him500 strategies I heard him speak. Then, I saw Power then saw a lil hip hop snippet idk why. But now its 8:40am and I am still up! That is crazy! So I am going to take my ass to sleep.

Goals for day, put clothes outside later. Check out recipes and what am I gonna cook, for son rest of week. What are meals that are healthy for both of us, things that he will like. Walmart is next, after I figure out the recipes. then come back and meal prep them. Also want glass things to put vegetables in and have to do research on how to make vegetables last longer.

9/8/20 meant to go to sleep. Felt great after taking peppermint and Epsom salt bath. felt refreshed, went to restaurant with Alex at night. Then stayed up the night listening to Tia's stories. She came over with Tiana. Didn't mean for this, went to bed after 5am.

Wake up cause Tiana knocked for a drink in fridge. then went back to sleep, woke up again bet 3 and 4 because Tia knocked (so mad, I was getting such a good sleep). Both times I woke up I felt depressed and down. What about? child support possibilities Tia said and so many people making money in the investment group and I am not, really frustrated me because I need to find a way out of this. Make money, Auris, so that you can invest it. Down about that. 

 9/7/20 stay up clean the freezer and do dishes and top of fridge and front of fridge, all that is left of fridge basically. woke up around 7pm left to go to restaurant. I felt very happy and accomplished due to last night's work.

9/6 depressed, no desire to do anything from time I get up and tired all day. We go to dollar general and buy some Chinese food. 9/5 take a walk, go to Cafe Euro, go to park, talk to Jenny, come back

good mood day

9/4 clean the fridge! stay up this night to do this as well. Also soak some clothes for laundry as well. 

9/3 IDK. Day I wrote poem and really internalized what Alaka's mom said. I kept wondering is she right? Had to contact Jane about it because I was down and lost about it. 

9/2 wake up around 2pm. go to Fair Haven, Little Ceasar's, Wake up with a plan and get out there and do it.

This is also the day I talk to Alaka's mom and this conversation messed me up afterwards. I get really sensitive and took it to mean certain things. I felt so relieved by what she said but it also made me think. Had me messed up for the next day.

9/1 day I set up the printer. This was at night. That was the only thing I accomplished that day as well.

8/26 stay up all night and get so much done! Mario stickers, cook meal, clean bathroom

8/25 more setting up. the living room is in order

8/24 cleaned floors, trims, and got clothes off couch.

8/8 the day of Isaida's birthday. That day I really felt horrible! Like really bad, like didn't want to do anything! but got dressed and want to the birthday and it was great! Alex was on me like crazy though.

8/5 Walmart. That was a while ago! But then went again and got more vegetables. I should check on balance.