LOVING AND FORGIVING OURSELVES

 LOVING AND FORGIVING OURSELVES.

It gives us permission to forgive ourselves and feel good about being who we are- based on self-responsibility. 

Clear process for freeing ourselves from guilt and shame, for forgiving ourselves, and for correcting those behaviors that need correcting. ( I have done this, I corrected the behaviors)

We no longer have to punish ourselves. We no longer have to feel terrified or ashamed about our behavior-whether it is a minute slip or a major indiscretion. 

The more open I am to to taking responsibility for my behavior and making amends, the less guilt I feel. 

We will receive the grace we need to live comfortably with ourselves, others and our pasts.

Comments:

I have corrected the behaviors that need correcting. I don't sleep around, or drink, or do anything I did in that time period. Okay, still shame about mental health. Well, what are you gonna do?

Did I take responsibility? Yes, I raised my kid, took it on didn't give it up or end it or any of the other options. It was hard because it was like a dream shattered, a public showing of a indiscretion. 

 So why am I still punishing myself? Why does it still come up? 

Minor indiscretions, the thing with the guy in ATL that was a minor indiscretion. I felt so ashamed, like I went backwards.

Also last Feb 14th, went to the restaurant, wrote the green dress, had my long hair. I looked amazing. I felt so lonely and taken for granted. I had gotten a man but he wasn't around to appreciate me. It would have made all the difference I felt. I felt horrible and for all the Valentine's of my life that I felt rejected. Another day to remind me I was single. In 2019 it was the first? I think, Valentine's I had a man and boom he still wasn't around. It sucked. 

So 2 indiscretions, I never think about them. For real, at all. At the time it was a big deal, but otherwise, no. 

2. Do I feel good about who I am?

No. Why? broke. Okay, if you were a business owner and had money and better possessions around you, would you feel better?

I am afraid I won't. I am afraid I say that, oh yeah I'm broke that's why I am sad. But today had nothing to do with nothing. I woke up and I was just down and nothing will get me back up.

Do I feel good about who I am? I do think I am great and have great qualities, like I like the person that I am and the way I think and where I am going and the things in my mind that I am going to accomplish. The thing is, is this enough? When I am around others and they don't treat me good or think highly of myself, I feel the same way about myself. I start thinking bad about myself. When I was around mom and Tia and my uncle, I felt like crap. When the neighborhood girls don't say hi to me, I also feel like crap. Why? Because I am such a treasure and so much knowledge to give and I feel like no one wants to hear it. No one wants to hear my story. When me and Tia were friends, she gave me all of her story. And then when she left, I felt like idk. Like do I value it? Did it make me closer to her? What was the point?

There are people in Youtube that put their stories up and we hear from strangers be super vulnerable and we know all these things about them. But the people listening its because they actually want to listen exactly about that stuff. 

There is a part of me that wants to be accomplished and wants to use her gifts. I use my gift with Jane and at church when I went to the Sunday Church. Those were my two places where I felt like I could be myself. I remember I used to write when I was younger that I want to get paid for being myself. It seemed like such a radical thought, but today that is exactly what happened. People get paid to be themselves, use their gifts, work hard, make something happen. 

Today Ryan reached out, I will speak on that. Sure I will write about that. It's like a thing in the back of my mind.