Ryan

Hello! 

This is literally the relationship I never think about, I have no issues. 

Most stable, which makes it the most boring huh. When I was with him, I was working. that job ended, then worked at the mall. then I worked 6 days a week. Then I started at Bank of America and that's when our relationship ended.

What were some moments? He met my mom, came with flowers and met my brother. That was nice, he got along with my brother. 

The day we went to the park with the family. He wanted to give me money for his part and I wouldn't accept it. I was mad broke.

Ooo the time I was supposed to meet him in the park and he didn't show up. He called the next day? Came up with some crazy story but we didn't reschedule. I remember how rejected I felt that day.

I put on a nice white dress, went to a good park, and got the grapes in the basket. I finally put some effort. I was going to give it all I got. I was going to humble myself, open myself to love, his love. But he didn't show. I felt so rejected. He never pursued me after the breakup. I remember one time I had my sister drive me to his place and he was soooo... unbothered. Like, whatever. I didn't matter to him in that moment I think.

It was like he liked me so much in the beginning and then when I started to like him, it was like he lost interest. I am not sure why. 

Or the time I went to his place with heels. in the snow. Walked to his apartment, once again. he didn't care. We fought or something and I walked away. He didn't follow after me. He was over it. I was upset, felt like he didn't care enough. And overall, the money thing. Sometimes I get bitter about that relationship because I feel like he wanted a girl that was rich, that came from money, whose parents owned land. I felt like I wasn't the right background for him. 

And I hated that he was like that. He cared more about the money than anything else it appeared. He was always trying to work, trying to make a sale. When we went out with friends he was trying to be friendly to someone else because he could win that business. I didn't feel I guess that commitment from him to me. I felt like he was more committed to the money.

It really hurt me when he said he always wondered if I would be able to handle it. He is going to be 'that dude' with the money and the success, etc. I remember now, I felt like he didn't believe in me. I remember, yeah that was the sore spot. I told this to Nicole at Bank of America and she was like, how does he know that you can be more successful than him? How about you and your success, will he be able to handle it?

Then there was the belief system. I felt away from God because we were sinning together. He had convinced me to start sleeping over. My mom had no issue. and then I got used to it! My brother even talked to me about it. I'm like I'm used to his scent. I remember it was so sweet one time when he said that he knew he could trust me because he could sleep around me.

Codependent behavior, it was when he was upset with me or no, I think it was Andre. I felt like I had to go in the middle of the night and go and fix it. Oh yeah, it was with Andre. I went over and I could fix nothing. Andre was drunk and mad at me and there was nothing I could do about it and I really tried to fix it. 

One time I did go take the light rail and go and be there for Ryan. I remember it was so sweet. I fell asleep and he started cooking. Actually I was cooking for him but then he took over because I started to fall asleep. And he told me the story of how his father almost died and  came back from death and he realized that God was real.

I didn't like his magazines that glamorized the playboy lifestyle. I felt like that's what you want? You don't want to be with me? Rather be out there playing the field? I also realized out of that relationship that I needed to make my own money. I hated that he earned more than me. And he spoke about the girl lawyer that he dated and how she made a lot of money coming out of law school but they did not work out, she was mad proud and yelling at him. He said we had something. I was like, but why didn't it work out? As if money is the only thing it takes to work.

I also didn't like his roommates. That they smoked weed. And I didn't like that he made the choice for me, to not go to the wedding. Overall, it was like why you don't respect me to make that choice together? 

And I was the first one to say I love you. And I was like, does he love me? I said it too soon to James too. I was like, my like can turn into love. I was real about it too. I fall in love quick, lol. 

Me and Angel said it mad quick. It was like, emotions. But Yada says love is an action, not an emotion. I think it was Yada. Love is supposed to elevate. Love is supposed to support your dreams and make you reach for higher. That is what love is. Cesar can reach higher but does he support Suyapa's dreams? She wanted to be a doctor, does she still want to be a doctor? It was always interesting to me the fights that they would get over. Also surprising that after so much time, Cesar finally felt stable and finally proposed. I'm like you weren't stable? You have had income and a job and a house this whole time. You're not at risk of being homeless every year like me. But people have different definitions of stable I guess.