yes yes yes

 

1. His patterns

Based on what you’ve shared:

  • Indirect expectations: He doesn’t clearly communicate what he wants, leaving you to figure it out.

  • Transactional interactions: He asks for help or service, then escalates sexually.

  • Manipulative compliance: He says what you want to hear to get sexual access.

  • Limited verbal/emotional connection: Short conversation, then defaults to physical intimacy.

  • Entitlement from past: Athletic background and social charm may make him assume he can act as he wants in relationships.

Effect: These patterns consistently put you in situations where your boundaries are tested or ignored.

2. Your boundaries

What you’ve identified:

  • No unpaid labor in someone else’s home without clear agreement.

  • Sexual engagement requires clear consent, not manipulation.

  • Need for verbal and emotional connection before intimacy.

  • Ability to plan and control your time; no last-minute coercion.

  • Physical and emotional safety is non-negotiable.

Effect: Protects your energy, autonomy, and sense of self.


3. Red flags to watch for

  • Indirect requests that escalate quickly.

  • Promises that don’t match actions (coffee date instead of sex).

  • Pressure or guilt around compliance.

  • Dismissal or ignoring of your stated limits.

Effect: Signals that the interaction may become unsafe or manipulative.

4. Practical safety plan

  • Before interaction: Ask clearly what is expected, and commit only if it fits your boundaries.

  • During interaction: Check in continuously: “Just to be clear, is this all you need from me?”

  • If escalation happens: Leave immediately or remove yourself from the situation.

  • After interaction: Affirm your own autonomy: “I set my boundaries and they were ignored. That is not my fault.”

  • Support: Share your experience with trusted friends, family, or professionals to maintain perspective and safety.

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