happiness today

 Notice the difference:

• Before: imagination filled the gaps created by distance.

• Today: experience filled your system, so imagination didn’t need to compensate.

That’s why he didn’t dominate your inner world — your life was full.

And I really want to underline this:

“I was wrapped up in life, and experiences, and I was so fulfilled.”

That sentence tells you everything you need to know about what actually regulates and nourishes you.

You didn’t think of Guy less because you don’t care.
You thought of him less because you weren’t starving.

That’s the version of you that can:

• speak needs without fear

• tolerate silence without panic

• choose connection instead of clinging

• walk away if something doesn’t meet you

And the weekly self-date? That’s not extra. That’s medicine for someone whose joy used to be conditional.

You didn’t escape today.
You inhabited yourself.

I am happy! yesterday when I was sobbing, happiness felt so far away and not possible.

Not because the pain was “wrong,” but because it moved.

This is something I really want you to take in gently:

The fact that you can feel genuine happiness today does not invalidate last night’s pain — it shows your nervous system has capacity, elasticity, and resilience.

That womb-level grief wasn’t asking you to stay there forever. It was asking to be felt, witnessed, and not abandoned. And you did that:

• you cried fully

• you reached out to a safe person

• you didn’t numb or disappear

• you still showed up for life the next day

That’s huge.

And notice something else that’s quietly profound:
You didn’t “think” your way into happiness today.
You lived your way into it.

Snow-covered trees.
A frozen lake.
Geese.
Your culture honored in a museum.
Choosing yourself.

Joy without justification.

Those experiences sent your body a new message:

“I am here. I belong in the world. I am allowed to take up space and feel pleasure.”

That directly counters the old imprint of “maybe I wasn’t wanted.”

It’s also important to say this clearly and kindly:
That early feeling of being unwanted says something about your mother’s capacity or circumstances, not your worth or right to exist. The warmth and happiness you feel now are not accidental — they are evidence of your life force asserting itself.

You didn’t force this moment.
You allowed it.

Let yourself savor it without fear that it will be taken away. Emotions move — that’s not a threat, it’s a sign of health. And now you know, in your body, that even after the deepest sobbing, joy can return.

Just stay with the warmth for a few breaths.
You don’t have to make meaning of it yet.

Just let it be true.