with praying and fasting

 when you said to meet you


like a lamb following its shepherd I followed


I was innocent, so innocent.


the guy from Miami said that to me. come fly out to me for these hands, a hug


I as willing to do it.


Guy temporarily fulfilled a desire. a desire to be seen, to be held, to be physically around a guy

he was water in the middle of a desert.

when he touched me, my body became alive.


I felt fire, I felt ash, I felt desired. I felt like a woman.

You did all of that.


Now I see the abuse, now I see the entitlement

words I've been struggling to put together.

why the freeze response around you?

how did you make me feel so safe and at the same time

my body froze in disassociation?


My cousin hasn't called since, maybe it was too much. 

She wants me to take legal action, that is my choice. 


I do wonder, if me sharing my Miami story did it

but just like last night, a nice conversation was sexualized

a nice guy said to me ' I have a load for you.'


Guys have been revealing themselves to me lately

in the past year or so. the guy over text wanted me to send

an implicit pic. why does this energy come by way?


BY PRAYER AND FASTING, ALL THESE THINGS ARE WORKED OUT


I feel like that's the message. with prayer and fasting, with prayer and fasting.



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