Being broken

Why you attach broken people

the broken part of you relates to them

If you haven't healed,

you break your own boundaries

accept behavior that is unacceptable

You break your own word

What if you don't see it? 

What if it just takes you a long time of seeing it, and sitting back

and analyzing it and thinking.

I like that she was good with kids. I liked that she asked nothing of me.

I made a big move, then I was here (in my paradise)

but no money. its not fun not having money in 100 degree heat.

my mind was always focused on how to make money, how to 

get out of this situation. But alas, all the ways I tried didn't lead to money.

job,. work from home, I felt defeated.

All the while I have this beautiful creature relying on me

and taking care of him was the job, the priority, everything

I think of that guy that said that to spend time with his dad, 

he had to go visit him at work (chick fillet)

I was like wow

I had my kid and wanted to spend all my time with him and raise him

went to college because that was quicker than the job applications I put out

My mom, hated living with her wanted to get out. 

I went to school, still believing God wanted me to be a teacher.

They lied to me or were unorganized. They said I could do it in 2 years. 

Then after I did a semester lady said I would have to do 3 years, full time. I left 

her office and I cried. Wasted a semester, 6k more in debt (that I still haven't paid by the way).

Time for Auris to get rich. To buy property, to get some net worth. To get some cash flow.

buy homes, buy cash flowing businesses, get stocks. Aquire the important things in life. 

those things. i'm 37 and cant afford my headset (today.) 13k in debt that I don't worry about. 

I know I will make a way, God will help me even though i"M not relying on God much these days.

And yes, I feel apart. Had the worst anxiety attack I've ever had. I keep getting sick

and having a family around to take me to the hospital and away from their families for the day

it becoming a burden. i am accepting that since I'm not married, I'm not anyone's 'priority'.

Yes, I've cried over this. Friends become less available. and I don't go to family for love or understanding anymore (going to a empty well and wanting water).

Chris said something so deep: You are already valuable, you just don't see it. 

Yes I'm a nice person and cook and there for my son and like cleaning. but who wants those things? a man, a real man, a husband man that all he finds are young girls twerking and old ladies screaming and stresset.

Okay, maybe there is a market for me. I want to jump, fly, go foward into my ideas. I want that financial stability to provide the net in the trampoline I jump off of.

And yes be home by 3pm to receive my kid and teach him writing and spelling.