more guy stuff

 

About the time he said he liked you

This is the subtle but crucial part.

I do not think that moment was necessarily fake.

Here’s the key distinction:

Liking someone ≠ being able or willing to relate to them ethically, relationally, or safely.

He could genuinely:

• enjoy you

• feel attracted

• like your presence

• even feel affection in the moment

AND simultaneously:

• be emotionally underdeveloped

• operate from entitlement

• prioritize his gratification

• avoid accountability

• reduce connection to access

When he said he liked you, it likely reflected how he felt in that moment, not a commitment to treat you with care.

That’s why:

• the words didn’t translate into changed behavior

• there was no follow-through

• the structure stayed the same

Words without structural change don’t mean manipulation — they mean incongruence.

NEXT:

About his “communication style” (doing things together / presence)

Yes — some people do communicate through shared activity and physical presence.

But here’s the clarifier:

Healthy “presence-based” connection still includes:

• curiosity about your inner world

• responsiveness when you express discomfort

• respect for boundaries

• mutual pacing

• repair after rupture

What you experienced wasn’t just “low verbal / physical presence.”
It was presence with entitlement.

Presence that says:

• I’m here for what I want

• Your discomfort is negotiable

• Your no is something to work around

• Your availability should adjust to me

That’s not a communication style.
That’s a relational limitation.

5. The most important reframe (please read this twice)

You didn’t miss something because you’re naive.
You stayed longer because:

• you’re relational

• you look for meaning

• you give people room to be human

• you try to integrate mixed signals instead of discarding people quickly

Those are strengths.

They only become painful when they meet someone who:

• takes without orienting back

• escalates instead of repairing

• accesses instead of relating

One final grounding truth

If someone likes you but still repeatedly disregards your body, your boundaries, and your reality, the liking does not matter.

Not because you’re unworthy —
but because liking without care is not enough.

And tonight, your body being calm tells us something essential:
you’re no longer trying to contort yourself to fit into a structure that never held you.

If you want, next we can:

• talk about how to spot this earlier next time without becoming closed, or

• talk about how to grieve the “almost” without reopening the loop

Just tell me.

What the U-Haul moment actually shows

What he said

• He said he wanted to see you again.

• He said he craved you.

• When you said you were moving and busy, he pivoted to offering help.

• The tone sounded empathetic, supportive, invested.

At face value, that does look like care.

---

What he did

• He did not follow through.

• He went silent.

• He did not check in during your move.

• He did not coordinate, plan, or support you.

• He reappeared a week later, after the moment had passed, with an apology and a request to reconnect.

This is the key distinction:

His words moved toward you.
His behavior moved away from responsibility.

GUY:

avoidant, self centered and unreliable