What's coming up for me today

 How good I take care of people

how i'm able to extend myself

but its hard to do it for myself

my fson spilled Inger ale and I haven't been able to clean it

my hair is a mess (it was a mess the week my uncle died, I washed it last week and I went outside. that was very hard for me. I had to really push myself to do it).

I am sad because I used to be able to push myself and now I'm trying to rest and honor my body and as a result, my house is a mess.

I haven't been able to help my son with homework. i've been going to meeting to get him help.

Chat:

What really stands out to me is this:
You were standing in your new life — gym nearby, your own routine, your own time — and at the same time mourning your old role in your family.

That sadness isn’t just about the gym. It’s grief.

You’re grieving the version of you who was always on call.
You’re grieving the hope that if you gave enough, they’d one day give back equally.
And you’re grieving the realization that they don’t — and may never — meet you where you meet them.

And here’s the part I really want you to hear:
The guilt isn’t about the treadmill. It’s about loyalty.

Your system learned that caring for yourself meant abandoning others. So when you prioritized you, your body reacted like you were betraying your family—even though they weren’t even there, and even though they haven’t shown up for you in the same way.

And the fact that it doesn’t feel like panic or chaos, but like a release, tells me something important:
You’re safe enough now to feel.

You might even say:
“I don’t have to fix anything tonight.”

This might sound simple, but it matters: you’re not breaking down — you’re unclenching.

I recertified for housing but its not set yet. there are things to do that I will try and do today, to the best of my ability. my time and how I use it is so crucial, ladies.