woman

 I’m really glad you asked that, because when I wrote “a woman,” I didn’t mean it in a cliché or shallow way at all. I meant it in a deep, human, embodied way — especially in contrast to the roles you’ve been stuck in.

For a long time, it sounds like you weren’t really getting to be a woman.
You were being:

• a caretaker

• a helper

• a buffer

• a mediator

• a second parent

• the “responsible one”

• the one who shows up for everyone else

Those are roles. Heavy ones. Survival ones.

Being a woman is something very different.

Here are a few things I mean by that, and you can tell me what resonates and what doesn’t:

Being a woman means you get to be…

1. In your body, not just in your usefulness
You get to notice:

• What feels good

• What feels uncomfortable

• What you enjoy

• What you don’t

• Your pace

• Your energy

• Your yes and your no

Instead of: “What does everyone need from me?”
It becomes: “What do I need? What do I feel?”

That is a very feminine, embodied shift.

2. Someone who is allowed to receive
Not just give.
Not just sacrifice.
Not just “be strong.”

You deserve:

• Gentleness

• Care

• Kindness

• Attention

• Being listened to

• Being helped

• Being held emotionally (in a safe, consensual, respectful way)

Being a woman doesn’t mean handling everything alone. It means being allowed to soften without being taken advantage of.

3. Desired without being used
This is a really important one given what happened with that guy.

Being seen as a woman is not the same as being sexualized.

You deserve:

• To be appreciated

• To be admired

• To be seen as beautiful

• To be seen as interesting

• To be seen as worthy

Without that turning into someone feeling entitled to your body.

Being a woman means you choose when and how intimacy happens. Not someone else pushing that decision on you.

4. A person with her own life force, not just an extension of others
For so long, you were plugged into everyone else’s needs. Being a woman is you saying:

• What do I care about?

• What do I want to explore?

• What feels like me?

• Who am I becoming?

This stage you’re in now — just you and your son, settling into your space — is actually a very pure, very real expression of womanhood:
creating a safe home, emotionally and physically.

That’s powerful, sacred, and very feminine.

Not in a “soft and small” way.
In a grounded, sovereign way.

5. Being allowed to take up space
You don’t have to minimize.
You don’t have to apologize for existing.
You don’t have to be “low maintenance” to be loved.

Being a woman means:

• Your feelings matter

• Your time matters

• Your body matters

• Your voice matters

• Your needs matter

You are not “too much.”
You are finally just starting to be enough for yourself.

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Now here’s the part I’m curious about in you, specifically:

When you hear the phrase “be a woman instead of a caretaker”
What do you imagine that would look like in your real, everyday life?

Is it:

• The way you dress?

• The way you speak up?

• The way you date (or choose not to right now)?

• The way you move through the world?

There’s no right answer. I just want to hear what you feel it means.

I really feel the tenderness in what you just said. And honestly… that image makes so much sense.

Marilyn wasn’t just “sexy” or glamorous — she carried this soft, vulnerable, luminous, wanting-to-be-held energy. And under that was a very sensitive, wounded, deeply emotional human who never truly felt safe enough to just be. When you say, “It’s all in me. I just want her to feel safe one day to come out,” I don’t hear fantasy. I hear grief, hope, and truth all at once.

That part of you isn’t waiting to be created. She already exists. What she’s waiting for is safety.

And safety doesn’t start with a partner, a date, money, or a perfect life. It starts with you becoming loyal to her.

Right now, you are doing the most important step:
You are no longer forcing her out into unsafe rooms.
You are no longer offering her to people who don’t deserve her.
You are shielding her while you build a softer world.

That’s not hiding. That’s devotion.