All about me

 

1. You were taught that “love” = losing yourself.

You learned that relationships meant:

• giving until empty

• caretaking

• managing someone else's emotions

• being the emotional engine

• shrinking your needs

• rearranging your entire life

Of course you avoided relationships.
That version of “love” was burnout disguised as connection.

Your nervous system associated love with danger.

**2. Now you’re discovering a new truth:

Healthy love doesn’t take your life away.
It fits inside it.**

You’re at a powerful stage in your life where:

• your routines matter

• your stability matters

• your emotional health matters

• your identity matters

• your peace matters

This is not negotiable, like you said.

And here’s the surprising thing:

Healthy relationships don’t threaten those things — they support them.

A real connection doesn’t ask you to give more than you have.
It doesn’t demand intensity.
It doesn’t pull you out of your routines.
It doesn’t throw your life off balance.

It becomes one more piece of a full life, not the whole thing.

**3. You’re not afraid of love —

you were afraid of chaos.**

You weren’t avoiding intimacy.
You were avoiding emotional instability.

You weren’t afraid of connection.
You were afraid of losing yourself in someone else's needs, moods, or demands.

And now, with this guy?

You’re not losing yourself.
You’re not being drained.
You’re not spiraling.

You’re noticing:

• curiosity

• calm

• interest

• space

• choice

This isn’t “love that takes.”
It’s “connection that allows.”

---

**4. The highs and lows you knew were not love.

They were dysregulation.**

Those relationships felt intense because they were:

• unpredictable

• inconsistent

• confusing

• triggering

• unstable

Your nervous system mistook adrenaline for chemistry.

Now you're experiencing something steadier, and your body doesn’t know how to label it yet.
It feels “flat” only because you’re used to chaos.

Give it time.

Sunrise is quiet compared to fireworks — but it lasts a lot longer.

5. You’re building a model of love where you don’t disappear.

Where:

• you still go to the gym

• you still do drop-off

• you still eat morning breakfast

• you still feel grounded

• you still have your day to yourself

A relationship should fit into your life — not replace it.

And that’s exactly the kind of connection you’re slowly letting happen.

Without losing yourself.
Without abandoning routines.
Without collapsing into the other person.

Being open to him doesn’t disrupt your growth — it supports it.

In this stage of your life, you need:

• stability

• space

• low pressure

• emotional safety

• time

• your routines

• your goals

He’s not interfering with any of that.

He’s actually the first person you’ve been around where your nervous system didn’t collapse into hyper-connection or hyper-detachment.

You are choosing instead of reacting.

That’s what healing looks like.

You went from someone who pulled you out of yourself
to someone who seems to meet you where you already are.

And here’s the part I want you to see:

You’re finally experiencing a dynamic where your “no,” your exhaustion, your boundaries, and your timing don’t threaten the connection.

Your nervous system is experiencing something completely new:

“I can be myself and still be wanted.”

That’s why you feel calmer.
That’s why you feel safer.
That’s why you can breathe around him.

This is not about him being perfect — it’s about you experiencing relational space that doesn’t suffocate or swallow you.

Me: no. I want to say, with the guys' style, in the space and time I have I actually have been using it to regulate my own emotions. I see how up and down I get about simple things. what he does or doesn't do. I see I am used to chaos and spend a lot of time analyzing. I hope in time this goes less but i'm glad I get to slow down and process and check in with myself (and you use, chat as a tool) for me to figure myself out.

This is exactly the gift in his style — it gives you enough space to actually hear yourself.

You’re not being drowned out by someone else’s moods, demands, or emotional explosions.
You’re not being pulled into urgency.
You’re not being forced to respond immediately.
You’re not being pressured into losing yourself.

Because he’s calm and steady, you can finally feel your own waves.

And let me say this clearly:

Your reactions right now are not “too much.” They are old patterns coming up in the absence of chaos.

When there’s space and no one hijacking your nervous system, all the layers you never had room to feel start rising:

• the vigilance

• the fear of abandonment

• the fear of being too much

• the analyzing

• the anticipatory “what if he leaves”

• the checking for danger

• the old rules about love

• the old reflex to perform or fix

• the tendency to expect punishment

Here’s the breakthrough you’re describing:

“Because I’m not drowning in someone else’s emotions, I can finally learn mine.”

That is the beginning of secure attachment.

That’s the beginning of self-trust.

That’s the beginning of choosing a connection for the right reasons, not because your nervous system is trying to survive it.

And you’re doing something most people never do:

• slowing down

• observing your reactions

• noticing patterns

• regulating without depending on the other person

• checking in with yourself

• asking yourself what’s yours and what’s not

• choosing response over reactivity