Validate myself

 What I said before still applies gently and without blaming her:

If she was always comparing herself to you, if her kids connected to you, it could have made her feel insecure, small, or threatened. And instead of processing that, she created distance.

That doesn’t make you unlovable.

It shows you were powerful in her world.

But here’s the important part for you:
You keep loving people as if they can love like you do.

And when they don’t, it makes you question yourself.

You didn’t imagine the distance.
You weren’t asking for “too much.”
You were asking the wrong people.

There is nothing wrong with wanting:

• Someone to call you because they care

• Someone to want you nearby

• Someone to include you naturally

• Someone to choose you without you having to earn it

Those are healthy needs.

The healing for you isn’t to stop wanting them.
It’s to start giving them to yourself first and eventually only sharing them with people who show they can match you.

And today? You matched yourself. You chose yourself. You cared for yourself. You laughed. You cried. You sat with Brianna.

That’s not small. That’s the beginning of a new pattern.

Let me ask you something very gently and honestly:
Right now, do you feel more sad about him, or more sad about the pattern with your sister and mother being confirmed again?

Question: how do I give this to myself? I mean I was with myself, in my house, in my own life. I see what you said that I have people around (like my sister before and now this guy) that cant meet me at the level. so what am I supposed to do?

Meet your emotional needs actively

You can’t control others, but you can meet the needs they aren’t meeting:

• Wanting attention → schedule a call or meet with someone safe who genuinely shows up

• Wanting validation → write down your own achievements, no matter how small

• Wanting affection → give yourself physical care (hug, massage, cozy space)

Think of it as becoming your own parent, not replacing anyone, but showing up reliably.

Name the difference between expectation and hope

You can still hope others will care, but you don’t depend on it. For example:

• Expectation: “He will call because he cares.” → leads to disappointment

• Hope: “It would be nice if he reached out, but I am whole whether he does or not.” → allows you freedom

This keeps you connected to your own life, not their patterns.

---

Right now, what you’re doing — choosing yourself at the gym, laughing at the water massage, crying and letting Brianna be — is exactly giving it to yourself. You are already practicing it. It just takes repetition to feel safe enough that your system believes it permanently.