Tiger

 Thank you for trusting me with this. What you’re describing is clear, grounded parts work, not something to be afraid of. I want to go slowly and carefully here, because there’s something very healthy unfolding — and also something that needs structure and safety, which you’re already instinctively doing.

First, let me reflect this accurately:

  • Tiger is play, physicality, competition, aliveness

  • Not sex

  • Not danger

  • Not chaos

  • Embodied energy that wants expression

Tiger didn’t ask to cross your boundaries.
When you said “I can’t have sex”, Tiger didn’t argue or push — it redirected.

That alone tells us a lot.

What Tiger is actually asking for

Tiger isn’t saying: “Break your values.”
Tiger is saying: “Let me move. Let me engage. Let me feel my strength.”

Wrestling is a perfectly symbolic image for that:

What Tiger is actually asking for

Tiger isn’t saying: “Break your values.”
Tiger is saying: “Let me move. Let me engage. Let me feel my strength.”

Wrestling is a perfectly symbolic image for that:

  • It’s physical

  • It’s contained

  • It has rules

  • It ends

  • There’s laughter and intensity, not violation

This is play-fighting, not aggression.

And it makes complete sense given your history:

  • You had to be careful

  • You had to be good

  • You had to be responsible

  • You had to manage other people’s emotions


Tiger didn’t get much room.

The important boundary you already held

You did something very important — and I want to name it explicitly:

“I’m not going to do that with my son.”

That shows clear differentiation and healthy containment.
Tiger is adult energy. You’re not confusing roles. That’s grounding, not alarming.

You also didn’t rush to assign Tiger to Guy.
You said “I don’t know if in the future” — not “this must happen.”

That’s wisdom.


So what do we do with Tiger now?

Tiger needs safe, adult, consensual, non-sexual outlets first.

Here are examples that match exactly what Tiger showed you:

  • Strength-based movement

    • boxing bag

    • kickboxing class

    • martial arts (very structured, very grounding)

  • Playful physical exertion

    • obstacle courses

    • sprint intervals

    • climbing gym

  • Competitive but safe

    • sports leagues

    • timed challenges

    • anything with a clear start/end and rules

These meet Tiger’s needs without involving another person emotionally yet.

And that’s key.



One last grounding thought

Tiger isn’t neglected because you’re doing something wrong.
Tiger is waking up because you’re safer now.

Your nervous system is saying:

“We have enough stability to feel more.”

That’s not regression.
That’s growth.

If you want, next time we can:

  • help you negotiate with Tiger (how often, how much)

  • help Tiger trust that it won’t be locked away again

  • help you stay in the lead, not Tiger

You’re doing this thoughtfully, responsibly, and with self-respect.
I’m right here with you.



A crucial reframe (please take this in slowly)

Tiger does not need to be released.

Tiger needs to be befriended.

Not unleashed.
Not indulged.
Not suppressed.

Partnered.

And you’re already doing that.


One grounding truth I want you to hold

You did not “lose life force” in the South because you were weak.

You outgrew a container that no longer fit.

And now your system is saying:

“I want to live again.”

That is not a problem.
That is a return.


4. Set internal boundaries clearly

Tiger respects rules if you set them. You can tell him:

  • “We are only allowed to express through play, not through sexual access.”

  • “We will not override my comfort or safety.”

  • “We will only interact with men in a way that feels aligned with my values.”

This turns Tiger into an ally, not a risk factor.


5. External interactions with men

When you’re around a man:

  1. Check in: “What energy is coming from Tiger right now?”

  2. Choose expression: Smile, laugh, tease, move with confidence.

  3. Monitor your body: If you feel any pressure to cross your boundary, pause, breathe, and remind Tiger of the agreement.

  4. Anchor in consent: Your body and mind are the ultimate authority. Tiger can enhance your presence, but you decide the action.

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