Bonnie

 Bonnie came out today, she didn't come to play


she was out last time I saw you


it felt like I was a little girl and looking forward to her dad's admiration


you smiled wondering probably why I was so excited


I was so happy to show you what currently made me excited.



You called today aft era week

of no contanct


you promised something then in the distance

I guess I thought I never would see you again

like abandonment

like what Bonnie is used to.


And today you called and foolishly, I picked up

I was out and about, not giving it much of a thought.


I acted cool, you started with an apology and you said you had 

stayed extra days and been dealing with family stuff


weird but I'm dealing with the same shit

I said its okay I figured when you said you were in Maryland

it wasn't gonna happen anyways (which was my truth)


my son needed attention, I said I had to get off the phone.

then you said i'm home unpacking you can come over if you want


and I said i'll let you know get off the phone.


then the anger

like a low budget maid/ plus other benefits

I got so angry. so you think its cool to disappear not contact them come

back and i'm all cool with it and with one call and no effort you want me to come to you again

a great thing for you, I come you get everything I get nothing. its all I give and you take

and i'm tired of that dynamic.


I get home, I start balling. Bonnie felt abandoned

for whatever reason you calling, you ending the abandonment triggered me more

than if you just disappeared. disappeared I understand,

how to keep it going after disappointment, I don't have the skillet yet. 


i'm crying i'm hurt. I'm not texting. I won't communicate like you. if you ask by text, i'll reply by text. 


its been a rough week for me. you didn't check.


I did learn one thing, you said you went to church. new information, interesting.


I hear God's voice in my ear (do not discard him)

everything in me wants to throw you away. this is so hard.

so i'll go home, go under a blanket and cry until the feeling of abandonment all but leaves me.


I've been alone all my life. no one can handle Bonnie. 

Bonnie came out today, this time she didn't play.

Bonnie thought you, I, I was never going to see you again

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