I had a dream

 There was a whole new world

but my family was around

There was Tia's daughter,

and Suyapa's voice and judgement.

Where was I? talking about the past in a bad way

I was in a new city, the whole setup reminded me of New Brunswick and how I used to walk it.

I was walking, the places were gorgeous. but my family was  a reminder of the past.

I wonder if I let Reg talk yesterday. Was I too much?

Do I come with too much story? Do I make it about myself and without intending to?

I told him a  little bit about myself. He didn't judge, I didn't say everything. 

There is always this fear of 'being too much'

But I am genuine and I am honest

I am so focused on my goals 

what I have done and what I have left is all I think about sometimes

New York is giving me a breath back, breathe, be present, there is so much to do.

But the work is in being still in this big city. Be around nature,

I would love to go and be around a mountain and fresh air. 

Yes, Reg said central park? I said I haven't been, actually yes, I went.

He kept asking about holidays I said I'm not gonna be with the family this year.

Did I not communicate it well? This is the first year we won't come around holiday. 

I'm in NYC and I have a unlimited MetroCard, I said maybe Instagram will tell me

of an event. But this year will be lonely yes. 

But it is what I signed up for, I guess.

My siblings won't call, but that is their pattern. I learned that in Miami.

Mom will make up stories. I"m sure in her version i'm a villain but 

I am okay with that. 

Reg is a mystery. Around him I felt peace. He was so calm and laid back.

I liked that he didn't do emotional dumping. He seems to be in a better place.

My gift was used, the massage gift and body things. I told him all the things

the body said, all the energy that is being held, that doesn't want to be expressed.

He said, you're my little physical therapist. It was funny. I told him, well that was 

gonna be my first career. massages and therapy on athletes. Things come around

He's an athlete and still on the field managing athletes. I don't even know what

sport he played. I hope he doesn't want me to know everything about sports.

Because I don't. 

Cardi makes me laugh. She's in Saudi Arabia. I love seeing her work and her

work ethic. She gets up, and get the wigs and the workout and she does it, honey.

She said, this is all I have for you! She just has one offer, and one product she's promoting. 

If you like her, love her, that's all she's gonna do. I love that she did the pop ups in Atlanta

but I was so mad I missed the one in NYC. I was picking up my kid from school when I heard.

It probably would have been too late but I also don't know her neighborhood.

But Bodega baddie was tight.

Yesterday was the first time I was regulated after seeing Reggie. I didn't abandon myself.

I didn't betray myself. I stayed within my boundaries and I didn't budge. 

He tried it. he begged. Oh how I love to see the effect I can have on him.

It makes me smile. He likes everything I do. 

it was relaxed and chill. No pressure until the moment where there was pressure.

I handled it well. learning to me kinder to myself, show myself more grace.

I still showed up, didnt know I was going to play my role. Show my gifts.

He doesn't make me feel like I have to explain myself or be less than I am.

He accepts me fully, doesn't make a big deal of it. and he did say it helped. 

I'm honest but I didn't shrink. First time I allow that, for myself to be seen.

Usually its a one off and don't see the person again.

He had the chosen tattoo and I asked what it meant and we talked a little bit about it.

I see that my feelings are something to work on, like an internal work. 

I see a lot of me in him. similarities, like a mirror. It's interesting.

His confidence is sexy. I always liked that about him.