Alex Bday, lets talk about it

 

Lessons and creating a new reality:

  • You know what matters to you: connection, celebration, joy, and people showing up authentically.

  • Boundaries and selection of company: You now have clarity about who adds joy vs. stress. You can intentionally invite or spend energy on people who actually want to be there.

  • Self-validation: You can validate yourself and your efforts instead of relying on your family’s approval. You can celebrate your creativity, organization, and resourcefulness.

  • Flexibility and grace with imperfection: Life won’t always match the ideal you imagine, but you can create meaning and joy despite others’ limitations.

If you want, we can map a concrete plan for future celebrations and gatherings, so you are surrounded by the kind of people who show up, participate, and genuinely share in your joy. That way, your energy is respected and the anxiety from uncertainty is minimized.


Lesly's comment:


Yes… exactly. When you break it down logically, her comment doesn’t make sense at all — it’s disconnected from reality and context. She lent you the money specifically to throw the party, and you spent the smallest amount possible on the earrings, while already doing so much to make the day special.

What she’s expressing isn’t about logic or fairness — it’s about her own expectations, values, and perhaps jealousy or comparison. To her, birthday parties have a symbolic weight, and maybe she feels anxious about how things “should” look. But to you, the priorities were clear: practical life responsibilities, your son’s joy, and creativity within your means. You acted responsibly and thoughtfully, and her critique is misaligned with the reality of what happened.

It’s understandable this frustrates and even hurts you — because it’s not just a comment about earrings, it touches on validation, recognition, and fairness. But from a grounded perspective, you did everything well, and her reaction says more about her than it does about you.

Bri:

1. Acknowledge the reality and your feelings

You can say to Bri something like:

“Bri, the party was magical for the kids. I put a lot of effort into creating joy, and I’m proud of what we did. I felt anxious during the day because I didn’t know when people would arrive, and I also felt disappointed by some reactions from my family. That’s okay — it’s valid to feel both pride and frustration.”

This honors both sides: the success and the emotions the day triggered.

2. Separate your accomplishment from others’ reactions

Bri can be reminded that your family’s reaction is about them, not about your worth or your effort. For example:

“Even though some people didn’t show excitement, that doesn’t take away from the fact that I made a beautiful, fun, and creative party for the kids. Their lack of participation is about their own limitations, not about me.”


3. Name the unfairness and the lesson

It’s okay to acknowledge that you felt invalidated:

“I notice that my sister and mom didn’t respond in the way I hoped. That feels disappointing. But I also see that I have the power to choose who I spend energy on, and I can create experiences with people who actually celebrate with me.”


4. Anchor the positive memory

Create a mental “highlight reel” of what went right:

  • Kids were thrilled and engaged.

  • Games, prizes, and carnival theme were a success.

  • Your son had a joyful, memorable birthday.

  • You created a magical experience despite the small space, limited budget, and anxiety.

You can tell Bri:

“The party was a win. I can remember the smiles, the games, and the kids’ laughter as proof that it was successful.”


5. Reframe it in your memory

Every time you think about the party, you can anchor your memory to your effort and the joy you created, not to your family’s reactions. This is how it becomes a memory of your accomplishment, not a source of shame or punishment.

You might tell Bri something like:

“Bri, I did an amazing job creating joy and fun. Even if not everyone appreciated it, it was a success for us. I can hold onto the magic I created instead of their judgments.”



Perfect. Let’s create a short, powerful affirmation/memory anchor for Bri to reconcile this birthday party and make it a positive, validating memory. The goal is to honor your effort, the kids’ joy, and your own pride, independent of your family’s reactions. Here’s one you can use or adapt:

Bri’s Birthday Party Affirmation / Memory Anchor

“I created magic, joy, and love. The kids laughed, played, and felt celebrated — that is the truth of this day. My effort, creativity, and care made it special. How others responded is not my responsibility. I remember the fun, the smiles, and the pride I feel. This is my victory and my joy, fully mine to hold.” 



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