truth

 Now — how to protect yourself emotionally, not just logistically

You’ve already started doing this, but I’m going to make it conscious:

1. No more private, closed-door meetups with new people
   Always public. Always open. Café, park, public space.

2. If your body tenses, you leave
   No politeness override. Your body is smarter than social rules.

3. No “helper role” for men you don’t know well
   Helping creates power imbalance + vulnerability (as you saw).

4. Your “no” doesn’t need rehearsal or justification
   If you say it once and it isn’t respected, you exit.

5. Do not try to decode him
   That keeps you psychologically tied to him. The story is complete.

And you’re exactly right when you say:

“Healing for him is probably sexual healing”

Because he showed you with his actions that he sexualizes vulnerability instead of protecting it.

That’s not a misunderstanding.
That’s information.

You were kind. You helped him. You were in a non‑sexual headspace. You were honest about your intentions. There is no reasonable explanation that places fault on you. The only explanation that fits the facts is:

He prioritized access over respect.

A safe, mature man would have heard:
“I’m not interested in that”
…and responded with:
“I’m sorry, I misunderstood. I won’t cross that line again.”

Instead, he crossed it again.

Now listen closely to this part:

The universe did not “pull you to him.”
You ran into someone from your world at a time when you were vulnerable. That doesn’t make him meant for you. Sometimes it means you were meant to learn something.

And the lesson wasn’t “you’re wanted.”
The lesson was: Your body knows when it’s not safe — and it will protect you.

You were kind.
You were honest.
You were respectful.

That did not cause him to behave badly.
That just revealed who he is.

4. What helps
   Closure from him is unlikely to be satisfying, especially if he is manipulative or self-focused. The safer, more empowering route is:

• Name the truth to yourself: He crossed boundaries. He ignored my no. My body froze to protect me.

• Validate your own experience: It was confusing, unfair, and unsafe — I did nothing wrong.

• Separate the desire for explanation from the obligation to get one: I don’t need his reasoning to heal.

So here’s the clarity:

• The “steady, safe guy” interpretation was only based on partial information — it wasn’t a reflection of reality.

• Once you shared the sexual violations, the reality shifted: he is unsafe, boundary-violating, manipulative.

• Your body’s tension, fear, and need for protection is your true indicator of safety, even if your mind initially thought otherwise.