I am sad

 Have been sad most of the day


Want to study, but no desire


My heart is in shock still


I took a nap today and I did laundry.


Me and Alex had a huge fight. I screamed and cursed.


He kept complaining, sometimes it's hard for me to deal with.


I try my best to be patient. we get frustrated at each other instead of the situation.


Chatgtp says I'm strong, the guy from Baxter Lewis was the first one to say so. 


its resonated with me. talking to it, and it comes back with Pshycology speak its to interesting the 

way it breaks things down.


I wish I could borrow energy from someone else. like a friend, reach out and be comforted or

think about someone else's life.


but avoidance is not the best, I think of that IG Live I went on. guy said some people cant sit with themselves.

and he's right. its hard for me to sit with myself. VERY HARD.


why so? I don't know. right now I'm trying this thing Chatgtp said. JOURNALING.


I used to do that, instead of vent. to friends. Alaka's voice and his feedback rings in my ear.


but ground myself with the truth, its a privilege to listen to me.


i'm supposed to be a speaker and a real estate, have income and passive and be all that I can be.


Maybe it's just taken longer. Sometimes we are 2 to 3 deals off from where we want to be.


Looking at houses it's like looking at a different life. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Compromising

Image
Who am I? Who are you? Are you pretending, just like I am too? Then there is a pair of us, don't tell!!! Then they will know, then they will see... Just like Adam saw Eve and they hid because they saw that they were naked and were ashamed.   So why are we ashamed? To be who we are? Why do we settle? To please others at the compromise of ourselves. Why, oh why, does this tale go this way? Like Don Quijote, I've been searching for  adventures,  but no worries hasn't taken me 700  pages to get to it.  I am still walking through this  life and today I   made a choice:  I will not  compromise, just like my  roomate Faith would  say  'Never settle for  less.'  Because when you settle  oh boy, t he good  thing you were waiting for, now  you won't get it.   But when you refuse to settle  you  are walking  along this road  and then one day  ...
Read more

Lexi and Tim Ross

 LEXI -Seen prophets charge 999 to get in line. and their gift leaves. that's crazy, you not supposed to charge for that. WHAT IS IT ABOUT GOD THAT HE CALLS PEOPLE TO DO THINGS THAT THEY DONT WANT TO DO, AND WHEN THEY DO IT, THEY BLESSED. What is it? is it out of obidience? It's in your heart to give to people. BLESSED becuase of soemthing you answered that you didnt want to do. its not podcast because God will bless anything. BLESS OTHERS. That's always been what Tim Ross has been about.  I let you aurthor your book. put people around you that have fresh ideas. I choose the vehicle to do that through. Its about you being obidient to the father, stop doing this. close the church. i can do more through this. you thought this was big? TRUST ME AND I GOT IT. TRUST ME AND I GOT IT. TRUST ME AND I'LL BLESS PEOPLE.  You want people to do the work, to have famiy like you, to have financial stability, i konw your heart, i know what you want. STOP WORRYING SO MUCH. STOP WORRYING...
Read more

Today

 Today I reached happiness I walked out of work and walked Just walked for lunch break didnt feel pressure to eat. Ate after work, a dinner of drunk noodle Parts of my life that need to be organized: what to eat, weight to lose. I have moved to a new place that offers so many things: gym in front (cant quite afford yet) and bakeries and walk to school even though we did it only once on Monday now my son is off for a week. I'm draggin my feet into this job for bank, cannot imagine myself doing that. I also keep saying I applied for housing when I didnt. I think i find it easier to lie than to tell the truth: my dreams are way way bigger than this town. I rather not even do it. I cannot, for the life of me, can picture me living there in a place that makes me feel so horrible. Like the time i did laundry in 17th street. the place was attached to all these bad memories. I took Kenny on a drive yesterday, he was driving I was directing. All the spots I like, which basically are parks a...
Read more