Play -writing session

Rewriting the song - 

Russian Roulette by Rihanna 

Take a breath, take it deep (like a good calming down from panic attack song)

Calm yourself

If you play, you play for keeps

Take a breath

Count to three

I'm sweating now, 

Moving slow.

No time to think, my turn to go. 

Yo, you can't see my heart beating

You can't see it through my chest

I'm terrified

but I'm still breathing oooooo

I know I must get through this.

uh (frustrated sigh) go ahead, just call me crazy.

Close your eyes

Sometimes it helps (that part works)

the whole trigger, its your turn only works in that scenario

REWRITE:

You can't see my thoughts

bleeding, oh no

You can't see them

through my head

and I'm terrified 

but I'm still breathing

promise I will pass this 

but just focus on breathing

ah, uh, ah, uh, ah

Met some interesting people in the hospital:

Hi! I'm suicidal!

Hello! I jump out of windows!

Hello! I'm 7 and I hear voices of a man and his wife. oh really? what do they tell you? to kill my mother. 

Hi! I'm a cocaine addict. (fights urge to hug her. I can't, I hug her. Go to the white room, I broke the rules). 

but it's too late to think of the value of my life

We all get together and sing 

Somewhere over the Rainbow song. It starts just being me. I imagine an escape I go up to the chimney. and I can smell fresh, non-hospital air. 

then others meet me and we harmonize.

Or Israel comes and sings and I take a singing break. 

When you stop sleeping, you are exhausted all the time. but every time you try to sleep, you can't. so you are up debating all night with the voices in your head why life is worth living. 

then when daytime comes, everyone is up and they got rest and they are ready for the day. you start to crash. but you are not allowed to crash! so you do your best to look normal. even though you are not normal. you are easily irritable. your eyes are squinty and you get angry and people give you attitude you know, people don't like dealing with angry people. so everyone leaves you alone. living their own life, going to their own classes, teacher might ask you for homework but most of the school day you can get by without saying as much as an um. no one notices. its so easy to ignore each other. especially when its never your turn to speak.

This is how I describe trying to survive the next day after staying up all night (called insomnia I found out):

Sloth song with Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood

I ain't happy 

with being sad

I got sunshine

in my bag

I'm useless

Don't you know 

the future 

is coming on

its coming on

its coming on

-

I'm dressed in PJ sloth costume and lyp-sinc the song

the song goes slower and slower and I fall asleep in gym class. no, music class. I knock out in class, get in trouble, get bad grade, alarm rings, go to next class, put some cold water in your face.

people around me are going fast and it all blurs and I am myself, just slowing walking by in a treadmill that everyone is running on. dramatize it.  show that for me, I'm in a different time zone.