Bullshit

You don't want to pay $15

and making excuses

like why am I over charging you more than your friends.

After I said it was $5 for the first week. you hit me up in February when my product came out in November.

So yeah, you hella late. now you out here asking for discounts and I need to bring the price down. you fighting to pay me $5. when you called me every single day last year begging me to join your network marketing company. 

I used the last $100 I had. I said no every time. Your wore me out, I gave in. and what happened? exactly what I said was going to happen. I am raising a kid. 

It's from home. bullshit. I used to do this business, you think you can sell me with lies. you claim you want to help but you down. you so busy trying to build your "line" you care not at all. You using the years that we have known each other as leverage to guilt me into joining a business which requires going outside and meeting people. corona just hit and i'm homeschooling a young kid. 

You say yes yes yes. No, no, no. People say why you keep saying that? cause you've never tried it. 

I'm tired of all this shit. I keep inhaling this frustrating I need a release. 

All the bullshit.

Niggas in church trying to hook me up with the anti-social cant look at women in the face and speak at the same time type of dude. of the guy that tried to guilt me into taking a black coat that was 3 sizes too big. and then he 'made me wrong' by saying that's what's wrong with women, we want things to be tight. 

I'm like oh, my size is too tight. okay, i said um this costs $200. I live in the projects. I could buy a whole wardrobe with that. what's up? he of course, denied.

People are full of shit. yes, we believe in Jesus. yes, Jesus said help others. I need $5, I don't have it. Can I have a ride? They don't even give you a change. they all leave the parking lot so that you dont even have a change to ask. and what's up with the you gotta wait challenge? everyone out there about to pass out after a 5 hour service and you gotta wait another hour just to talk to the Pastor. its like, waiting is the massive power move. you really need me, so wait. 

My first job out of college with this CEO. he made people wait. he got off on that he made people wait. it made him feel important. I don't know why he was such an asshole. he wrote the check. so he made people wait. once I had a guy fly in, could only be here for an hour. he made him wait 2 hours. 

Yeah. I'm so angry. I give and give and give. I gave you my last $100. Same for Ivon. Why do I give so much? How can I stop? I hate the fake shit.

What's the fake shit? the i cant spend $15 for your book and trying to talk me to me like you know me (it didn't cost you that much to do it). try 35 years. A lifetime of overcoming, changing and morphing into so many fucking different versions of myself. The you are not good enough.

You are not white, blue eyes, tone down the curliness of your hair. tune down your sexiness. you have body parts and these high schoolers cant deal with being around a girl and somehow that is your fault so wear skirts, because they make everyone look deadly.

Tone yourself down. Don't stand out. look at the computer screen. Eye contact is not cool. I want to be in front of the camera, not behind it doing the technical stuff. 

Wednesday- saw Trent. he asked us if he could give us a ride. I didn't ask him, I was waiting on taxi. we talked and it was like no time had passed. he made a comment about the 22 inches of snow up north and I told him stories of how I felt when I first got here. 

You made it now so now its hard to diss you. (Nicki song). I know I'm gonna make it. so this is part of it, the climb that people talk about but you don't get until it happens to you. people change. because they act like they are on your side until they are not. 

Why didn't me and Trent bring up Yomeiry and the last year and why he hasn't talked to me? I'm not interested in it. he stayed and lingered after. I don't know why. so i told him about my book. I tell everyone about my book. information. why did he linger? did he feel bad? he talked to Alex. he always talked to Alex. I asked about his sons. his younger one is taller than him. the college one went to the Air Force. good for him.